After a tragedy, your daily life can be consumed with feelings of rage, hate, fear, loneliness, and uncertainty. You never know when you will begin to feel “normal” or even if you will ever feel that way again. How do you move on? How do you put the pain of the past behind you? When will the dark memories fade and the light from your present shine brightly enough to diminish the darkness?
After many years, I’ve finally got an answer…9 years! It took 9 years for me to forget the date. It took me 9 years not to wake up on February 25th and realize it’s the anniversary of that horrible night. In fact, the day came and went…without my knowledge. It wasn’t until last night when I reached up to scratch my face and felt the numbness that remained in the wake of the attack that I remembered, the day has past! I didn’t wake up grieving for what once was me. I didn’t wake up wishing it were all just a bad dream. In fact, I just woke up on February 25th to the gentle kiss of my husband before he left for work. I woke up to my 15 year old and 11 year old playing with their baby sister. I woke up to the sound of happiness! My heart is full. The darkness is indeed fading. My life is whole once again.
I’m not saying that everyday I don’t remember. It’s a part of me and it always will be. I always see it..in every picture, in every smile that hides the pain that once overtook my life. But for now, I’m celebrating a milestone…I was able to forget…forget the anniversary to a tragedy that led me to the life I am living today. But, I’ve healed. I’m no longer a victim. I no longer hate. I no longer want to change the past. I am ok…well more than ok….I am happy!
And in spite of the tragedy, I am thankful. For if that terrible tragedy on February 25th had never happened, then the life I now live would not be the same!