Tag Archives: teenagers

Memories…The Good and The Bad

The one thing about moving into a new house that I absolutely love, is going through boxes of the memories created over the years. Today my husband was organizing the garage and brought me a few boxes to go through. One was filled with photos of the kids and their schoolwork. I spent over an hour looking through those pictures. I smiled ear to ear as I pulled every photo out and remembered exactly what they were doing or where they were when it was taken. It seems just like yesterday I had four children, under the age of 12. Long before the years of teenage angst, teen hormones, attitudes, drivers licenses, first girlfriend/boyfriends, proms, and graduations. Now I have 3 adult children, what used to be the baby is going to her first prom, and I have another baby girl I never dreamed I would’ve or could’ve had! But that’s the thing about memories….there are good, and bad ones. And just as I was busy celebrating all of my good ones, a bad memory was there to slap me in the face!

After over an hour of looking and reminiscing, one of the last picture envelopes I opened took me by surprise and I gasped! Not because it was photos I hadn’t seen before, but because it was photos I haven’t made a habit of looking at. They were photos taken by a relative during a horribly bad time in our lives, but somehow she knew one day, we would need them for closure.

Those photos took me back to being 21. I was married with a 22 month old son…a stay at home mom…when my whole world came crashing down around me! During that time everything was a blur. I don’t remember much. I remember the doctors harsh words, holding my husbands hands and talking to him. I remember the people coming in and out of our home…I can’t tell you who they were though. I remember boycotting food for 5 days…until December 31, 1994…The day I found out I was expecting our second child. And I remember the first bit of nutrition i fed myself after that 5 days, a banana, because the baby would need me to be healthy.

People may wonder why I have those photos or the video tape of his eulogy…it’s simple…he had a son, and unknown at the time, an unborn daughter. I owed it to them, to give them the option of being a part of the funeral if they chose to be when they were ready. My son was too young to understand at the time, so he stayed at home. I remember his first words when I came home…”Mommy, where’s daddy?”

I took a deep breath and looked at my sweet, innocent baby boy and said, “Daddy’s in heaven with God and the Angels!” The same sentence I repeated for years every time he asked, until he finally gave up and stopped asking. I honestly can’t tell you which was worse, saying those words over and over or the day he stopped asking.

Which brings me to my original reason for this post. My son is 25 and my daughter is 22 now. I can’t imagine having to watch either of them go through something like this at their age now. But what I can tell you, is as their mother, I’ve watched them go through it as children their entire lives.

We live in a tight knit community. Most people know my first husband and what happened. They will also speak about rumors on what they think REALLY happened, not thinking about how it may affect my kids or other loved ones. I’ve dealt with being judged for making wrong decisions during the time when my grief was so blinding, I couldn’t see what was clearly a bad decision. But with every bad decision comes a great memory, or in my case child 3 & 4! I’ve watched this town and it’s people put pressure on my son to be someone he was not, just because of his name. And the same people can somehow “forget” my daughter even exists, just because she doesn’t share the same first name! It took years for my son to truly find himself and become the man he was always meant to be. He is strong willed, compassionate, soft-hearted, tender and caring. He still has those that doubt him, but trust me when I tell you, his dad would be SO proud of the man he has become! It has not always been an easy journey, but I’m SO thankful he chose me to take it with him…the good and the bad!

And to my daughter…our last gift….what can I say but WOW! You have surpassed all of my expectations and more. You are so strong and courageous. As a small child I would catch you watching videos of your dad or looking through pictures…you know him inside and out! I still remember him saying, “I don’t want to have a girl! And if we do, she better be fat and ugly so the boys won’t want to date her or else I may go to jail!”

I said, “That’s what we have Little Pit for!” 😀

And from the first moment I laid my eyes on you, I knew his wish didn’t come true….you were the most beautiful baby girl I had ever seen!

So, somewhere out there, there is another single mother making memories with her beautiful children, and sure making some mistakes along the way, but I hope that like me, she can one day look back on the bad times and know the good memories cast so much light in her life, the bad ones don’t seem so dark.

Thanks to my kids for always being the light of my life! 😍😍

24 Days of Silence

It’s been 24 days of silence.  No call, no text, no knock on the door….just silence!  I would like to say I’m surprised. I would like to say I’m shocked at his actions. That would be a lie. I’ve always known how selfish of a man he was and he has finally shown just how deep his selfishness runs through his veins…deep into his cold, black heart! 

Let’s take a moment and play catch up! I’ve been postponing this blog for some time now, hoping beyond all hope this would blow over but it’s not.  So, why not just let the world know how I feel! I have nothing to lose! 

After hearing for the past 2 plus years endless rants about being separated from his child from my ex, my husband was determined to get orders back to the area.  We wanted what was best for our daughter and figured being in close proximity to her dad was important. He managed to snag orders back to the East coast and we were ecstatic! We left Washington state the afternoon of the last day of school to head from West to East coast. Two cars, 3 adults, 3 kids, 3 dogs and 1 U-Haul loaded up and packed in tight, we were happy to be heading home! It took 11 days to get back. As soon as we got into town we made arrangements for my ex to pick up my daughter.  

That same week cheer camp started. Even though technically it was “his” time for the summer and he should’ve been responsible for picking up and dropping her off, that’s not the way it went. Prior to our move, we never went by the final paperwork. By HIS choice, he had never exercised his right for summer visitation, holiday visitation etc. He would more or less call when he wanted her and I would let him have her. He rarely kept her overnight, but would get her after school, do homework, eat dinner and bring her home. It has ALWAYS been my responsibility to take care of the extra curricular activities and making sure she was where she needed to be. Mostly because he doesn’t really like cheerleading, but that’s a whole  other blog!! Anyway, so that week, we co-parented and shared responsibility for taking and picking her up from cheer. It was not a big deal for me to pick her up for him since I was only 5 minutes away.  Everything was going well…we were getting along, everything was fine.  Until…..

My 14 year old daughter comes home from her dad house and tells me his future wife (his mistress from his 2nd marriage) says to her, “I was going to buy you that Chex mix you like, but I wanted to wait to see if you needed it first!” Then she grabs her belly and says, “You’ve put on some weight, haven’t you?” 

Now, any mother should know it took everything in me not to call her immediately to tell her what I thought of her comments to my daughter! My daughter who is 5 foot 9, wears a size ZERO and was barely 14!! Are you kidding me?!??!  Instead, I talked to my daughter calmly about her body image of herself, reiterated the fact that she was indeed NOT fat, and waited until I could calmly talk to the ex before I brought it up. His reply was, he heard her say it and he thought about saying something, but didn’t. So I just said to tell her to not talk about her weight or body anymore because if it happens again, I would be the one having the conversation! Still….at this point, everything was ok. 

July 4th weekend…

He had plans to take her to the race on Saturday with his future wife (&future ex😀), and her  kids. He was supposed to bring her home Sunday so she could do 4th of July with us. It was technically my weekend as he had her last year and we were now following the visitation schedule for holidays instead of splitting the day up like we had in prior years. While waiting for my daughter to come home, I laid down with the baby. I was woken up by my husband telling me something was wrong with my daughter. 

Apparently her dad had decided he wasn’t going to bring her home. So my daughter, being a smart mouthed teenager, starts arguing with him. He then tells her he’s not bringing her home at all! This was after I had received a text saying “come get me” from my daughter, so I sent my 18 year old daughter to pick her up not knowing what was going on!  So the ex proceeds to argue back and forth and she goes outside with her things to wait in her sister. So what does he do? He calls the cops and reports her for being an “unruly teen who’s running away”  By the time my husband got me from the babies bed, I had to call dispatch to see what was going on. They told me the officer would decide whether or not to arrest her when he arrived!! 

Now let me explain something to those who have no idea where we live what would’ve happened.  My daughter, my 14 year old daughter, who’s never been in trouble in school, never been suspended, would’ve/could’ve been arrested and taken to juvenile hall in Jacksonville, where she would’ve remained until Tuesday because it was a holiday weekend. All because she had a smart mouth and said something he didn’t like! 

Luckily, my older daughter arrived before the cops to get her sister.  He tried to threaten her and told her she was 18 now and could be in a lot of trouble if she took her, but she did anyway. He took pictures of her tag and called in a description. I met up with my girls a few minutes later and took them to the safety of our home. 

So…later that evening, my daughter received a text from his future wife telling her how disappointed she was in her! What in the hell???? Seriously….I couldn’t let it go this time. I told her what I thought about everything from her comments to my daughter to the affair she had with him while he was married to his second wife! And I also made sure she knew she wasn’t his first mistress….she wasn’t special….she was just the next in line and she needed a prenup with an infidelity clause!!

The ex kept threatening contempt of court, but I had the papers to prove it was MY weekend per the papers!  Of course he’s to,d everyone I stole her from him and it was HIS weekend, but a little screenshot of the paperwork texted to him stopped the threats. 

The day after,  my ex  blocked my daughter from calling or texting his phone.  She has no way of contacting him unless she happens to knock on his door and he’s at home.  He sold his sob story to his family as well. His mom had plans to go shopping with my daughter a few days later and backed out because “she couldn’t promise she wouldn’t talk about it!” This is a woman who claims to be a Christain woman. A devote Catholic who spends every minute she can involved in church functions.  Her husband is a deacon in the church, but yet it’s been over 2 weeks and not a word from them.  They are SO Christain, but yet are willing to stand before God with a smile on their face and support him as he says his vows for the THIRD time, after cheating on his first two wives!!!  Hypocrisy!  They never hold him accountable for his actions.  The blame was shifted to my daughter…a 14 year old little girl had to take the fall for her dad so he can continue to do what he does.  

And the rest of the family….chirp, chirp, chirp….you guessed it! Nothing. After the initial conversation with the Aunt where she basically sat there and bashed me to my daughter and blamed me for EVERYTHING….from the affair right down to the attack from the slutty mistress….it was ALL my fault!  HE did nothing. HE was the victim.  Oh and his second marriage….you guessed it….same thing….not his fault….all her fault! I guess his penis must’ve accidentally slipped and fell into another woman besides his wife!!! Gotta watch out for the slippery suckers….they will get you in trouble every time! 😂😂😂  And anytime they feel the need to back up their lies with the actual truth, they can march right on down to the court house and pull up a copy of the paperwork for themselves!  It’s better to know the truth before spreading lies all over town!  

In all seriousness, this was a blog I wished I never had to write.  I knew he was a weak man when it came to romantic relationships, but I never dreamed he would be so weak when it came to his parental one.  He handled his parental role much like he’s always handled his romantic relationships….at the first sign of trouble, when things get just a little bit too hard and it’s time to put some work & effort into it, he runs away as fast as he can.  That, my friends, is a sign of a true coward!