Tag Archives: move

I’m Back!!!

After a long hiatus, I’m back! It’s not that I want to take the time off from writing, trust me when I say there has been plenty of things to write about, but I had no choice! I had shoulder surgery almost 6 weeks ago and up until now, I was unable to reach my keyboard with my left hand without being in a lot of pain! Thanks to physical therapy, I am now able to share all of my thoughts once again! I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or not! Ha ha! My blogs weren’t always welcomed from those who found themselves the subject matter of said blog! Oh well! I’m here to speak my mind and write the truth, not to appease others, so to hell with the haters!

It’s been hard staying away from blogging! Over the past few weeks, I had these thoughts that kept swirling around in my head just waiting to find themselves published here. All in good time. I haven’t forgotten what needs to be said. I haven’t forgotten the issues that my family has been through. Trust me, it hasn’t been pretty around here! Some people never change!

Enough of that for now. My sweet husband has been gone now for about 2 weeks! He left me….ha! No, not like left me, left me….but he left me to move to Florida. He had to report mid April which will leave me as a single parent once again until graduation in June. It will be worth it though. We would’ve been the most selfish parents in the world if we would’ve moved our daughter back to Florida at the end of her Senior year! Although it’s a sacrifice being a single parent AND being a single parent dealing with a painful recovery due to shoulder surgery, she is worth it! That’s what being a parent is all about….sacrifice for the sake of our children. Some people need a lesson in sacrifice, but my husband, fortunately, is a pro at it! He misses us terribly and FaceTime is our best friend, but he wouldn’t have it any other way! He will fly back in time for graduation and to move us back across the country! I’m excited for what the future holds for us as a family. I can’t wait to be back to normal again!

More than anything in the world, I’m most excited about being close to our family once again. Being away from our extended family has been difficult. We were so accustomed to having a wonderful support system in Florida. We have made some great friends here, lifelong friends, that will forever be a part of our lives, but I miss my older two kids. I miss my Sunday dinners. I miss our weekends spent together by the pool or cooking out! I just miss being together! Although my oldest daughter will still live 7 hours away, she will still be just a car ride away from us. A weekend trip here and there will be so much better than a once a year flight to Seattle! My kids mean the world to me and to have them all under one roof again, laughing and talking, is a dream come true!

I do have the most beautiful kids ever….I mean, just look at them! Who wouldn’t want to be surrounded by them everyday! 10689495_10153769605935610_8598503142829822116_n[1]

Until next time,

Hugs and kisses to all my readers! My normal bitchy self will be back soon, I promise! Today I just felt a little sentimental! XOXO

Raising A Child of Divorce

The statistics are alarming these days. Divorce is often not seen as “if” but “when” it will happen. Two people vow to share their lives with each other, for better or worse, in sickness and in health, richer or poorer, until DEATH…not, DIVORCE! But yet here I sit, 2 divorces behind me! The first divorce was partially my fault. I should’ve recognized the signs of abuse early on and never married him. But I didn’t and I left without any question in my mind I was doing the right thing. But the second divorce, no, I had no control over that one. Well, I guess I could’ve waited to let him file after the attack from his mistress, but that’s not what strong women do, right? And I had children that needed me to be a strong woman, to set an example for them to follow. Although I am happily married now and I couldn’t imagine my life without him, my divorce still haunts me! It’s almost like you aren’t married, but you never really get to let go of them if you share a child.

It’s been 10 years since the divorce. I prided myself on always being nice to him in spite of wanting to spit in his face for his part in the assault. I worked REALLY hard to overcome the hate I felt for this man. I knew I needed to let that go in order to co-parent our daughter. So that’s what I did. I invited him to her birthday parties, I kept him informed of everything that was going on in her life, I bit my tongue when he put women before his daughter, I called and tried to help him when he struggled being a father to a daughter! Open communication…always! If he wanted to see her, he was able to see her. No rules, just whatever was best for our girl! I even did my daughters hair for his 2nd wedding. No, I wasn’t always perfect, there were times I told him what I thought, but we were always able to work it out!

Fast forward 2 years in to his 2nd marriage and he cheats once again!! Of course the mistress is also married. He of course had a bunch of blame to place on his wife, but being on the other side of the blame game, I knew better than to believe the stories I was hearing! A few months before their split, we moved across the country due to my husbands orders. My daughter was supposed to fly back and spend Christmas with her dad. When she had been there 3 months before, he had been married to his wife. I begged him not to introduce our daughter to another woman just yet…she wasn’t ready. He assured me he would not! He was still denying the affair, but being from a small town, the rumor mill still traveled from east to west coast with ease!  While she was there, she not only met his mistress, but she and her kids went on vacation together. My ex and his mistress slept in the same bed while my daughter and her kids shared the same hotel room with them! Both of them were still married to other people…what kind of example was he setting for our daughter!

Needless to say, when she returned and I found out about the visit, I was upset! I called and told him I didn’t agree! We exchanged words and he threatened to take me back to court. He had agreed on the move but stated he would tell the court I had kidnapped her. Well, we ended up in court that summer. Child support was increased, something I never wanted, but since having a new girlfriend, he suddenly didn’t have the money to help with her extra curricular activities. Since that had been our agreement, I had no other choice but to take him back. I have to pay 100% of the airfare…not a big deal since there are only 3 more visits before we move back.

This is the first time my daughter remembers us arguing after the divorce . It breaks my heart for her, but there is nothing I can do. I’ve tried talking to him, but he refuses. He’s too busy with his new family! My daughter begged him to come to a competition this year, he kept saying he didn’t have the money now that his child support increased, but yet the vacations with his new family continued. During Competition season, she asked again, only to be given the excuse he couldn’t take off work. Well, less than a month after state competition, my daughter found out he went to South America with his mistress/now fiancée! Of course he didn’t spend a thing, but he did take off work to go, which was one of the many excuses he’s told our daughter.

It’s been a rough time for all of us. My husband is also deployed so we don’t have the support from him we are accustomed to having. This past week was bad in particular. My pain level was extremely high, my shoulder is giving me hell and although surgery is scheduled for March, it does nothing to relieve the pain now. The fibromyalgia is off the charts and so I have been an emotional wreck. Add to that an emotional daughter due to finding out another lie her dad told her and another bunch of excuses to make it all better, it really isn’t a good combination! Whenever she’s pissed at him, it all falls back on me! Usually I can handle it well, but with how I was feeling, I finally snapped back at her!

“How is it fair that I always get yelled at? Why is it always me that takes the brunt of what you’re feeling? Why do you scream at me whenever you are mad at him?”

With tears in her eyes she said “I can’t help it, I’m closer to you! I can’t tell him how I feel”

And with that statement, it made it all worth it! I remember telling him when she was younger, he was going to wake up one day and she would be grown up! He needed to take advantage of the time he had with her now before she became a teenager! Well that time is gone, and he wasted it on trying to impress women instead of being the dad to his daughter she deserves!

Just because you divorce, doesn’t mean you can rid yourself of them forever. Often times, the same hurt they caused you during your marriage, you will one day see in the eyes of your child! As a parent, seeing that pain is way worse than any pain he could’ve caused me. I wish I could take it all away, but since I can’t, I will just love her with everything I have! After all, she’s the best thing that came out of that marriage…she’s made every ounce of pain worth it and I would go through it all again!

 

 

 

9 Years & Counting

9 years ago today, I said “I do” for the fourth time! Holy crap! Sounds pretty terrible, doesn’t it? Sometimes I catch myself being a little embarrassed at the number of times I’ve been married when a stranger asks. So, I have to contemplate…do I tell them my life story or do I just let them believe I’m a woman, incapable of staying in love with one person for more than a millisecond?  Most of the time I take a deep breath and I start from the beginning!

The beginning is what set the standard for me as far as marriage went.  We may have been young, but we got it right…the first time. Unfortunately life had different plans and our forever ended almost as quickly as it began!  Even though the marriage ended tragically, the desire for that level of happiness did not.

I spent the rest of my 20’s searching aimlessly for “the one”, only to be hurt financially, emotionally, physically and verbally. But through the years, I never gave up. I knew one day I would find a man that was everything I wanted and needed him to be.

It happened when I least expected it…I found him!  At first I was skeptical, and so was everyone else. Let’s face it, my judgment hadn’t always been the best, but there was something about him that I was drawn to.

Although he was 9.5 years younger than me, we clicked. I tried to keep my wall up, but little by little, it came falling down. I finally found my forever kind of love in the most unexpected place and at the most unexpected time.

Fast forward 9 years later….It hasn’t always been easy, but we made it. When we married, he became a parental figure to 4 kids, some of which were not too accepting of the new man in our life. Who can blame them? Life had taught them not all men can be trusted so they kept a safe distance. It’s safe to say, 9 years later, I do believe the gap is finally closed!  We faced struggles again when I became sick. Being faced with the unknown is difficult, but my husband was my rock and my security. Whenever I thought I couldn’t possibly face another day, he was there to hold my hand and reassure me everything would be ok.

We decided to add another baby to our already large family. Our marriage went through fertility struggles, fertility treatment, a high risk pregnancy, weekly IM injections courtesy of my loving husband and we were blessed with a beautiful healthy baby girl as the Grand Prize!!!  I became a mother of 5 at 40 years old! When she was 3 weeks old, we were faced with a 4.5 month long deployment.

Half way through the deployment, I was informed he received orders to Washington State.  Once again, we were tested.  As a family, we packed up and moved across the country.  It was so hard leaving my family and friends behind, but my heart is wherever my husband happens to be and that’s where I belong!

9 years….WOW….and here I sit….alone….again…..ahhhh! The life of a Navy Wife! I’ve lost track of the missed anniversaries, birthday, holidays, and special occasions, but he always makes it up to us! Because when he’s here, he’s here! He loves us with every ounce of his being! How do I know? I see it in his eyes…I feel it in his touch…I see the sweet smile when he looks at our kids…I hear the excitement in his voice when he gets to call for the first time after deployment.  He is the most loving husband…the father my kids deserve…and the best forever I could’ve dreamed of!

Happy Anniversary to my one and only! You still give me butterflies after all these years! I will love you until forever is over!

 

Washington Bound—Day 3

Up and ready to go!! Today we will make it to Oklahoma for a much needed break from the driving! Once again, I woke up with hives….just great! I guess the stress is really getting to me! I initially thought it was from drinking wine, but I had no wine last night…thank God….I LOVE wine! 🙂

We decided to stop in McKinney, Tx on our way to see my friend, Katie, I haven’t seen in over 3 years! It was so nice to be able to spend time with her and her family! I’m so glad I finally got to meet her little boy…he is so adorable! I wish we lived closer to her!

Back on the road again…The drive is very familiar to me! I spent many years driving these roads with my parents. We traveled frequently between Florida and Oklahoma when I was a child! I swore I wouldn’t make the drive as an adult…and here I am, going further than I ever thought I would have too.

As an adult, I can appreciate the scenery. In some ways, it’s like looking at it for the first time. It’s peaceful here…it’s simple…it’s a part of me and who I am!

Hello Oklahoma…I am home!

Day 3 complete…452 miles!

Washington Bound–Day 2

We left Alabama and got a late start again. 2nd day in a row I’ve woken up with hives in the middle of the night. Benadryl seems to knock me out, leaving me groggy. Groggy+driving doesn’t mix!

The girls and I turned up the music and sang at the top of our lungs, enjoying the scenery as we went! Everything was peaceful and calm…no screaming baby, no fighting kids…perfect! After a few hours of driving, I decided to surprise my husband. It’s really the best thing a woman can do for a man…well, practically! I made a detour to Bass Pro Shop! My daughters were laughing when they turned around and saw him grinning as we pulled into the parking lot! We let the dogs out for a potty break and then went inside to grab a bite to eat! We snapped a few pictures of the girls with the fish and headed back on the road again.

We were driving for another hour or so before our first mishap. I was leading the way and I look up and see a large object heading right to our front window. With nowhere to go, I just knew it was going to hit. Right before impact, a gust of wind took the object into the median! All I can say is our guardian angels were watching out for us! My husband called to make sure we were all ok. These are the things that scare me to death during long trips! Anything can happen!

We arrived in Shreveport, La after dark and were ready for bed. It was a long day and I am just thankful we arrived in one piece!

Day 2 complete—–399 miles down….still too many left to count!

Washington Bound–Day 1

So here we go…Moving truck has pulled away from the house, goodbyes are said and done, husband has his truck loaded with the dogs and I am leading the pack with the 3 youngest girls.

Our first day of traveling was supposed to be a short one. We decided to stop in Mobile, Alabama to see my niece and her family before heading west. We got a late start but with only a 5 1/2 hour drive ahead of us, I wasn’t too concerned!

The first 3 hours went smoothly. Everleigh slept for most of that time which is VERY unusual for her. Meadow did a great job of entertaining her until she fell asleep. When she finally did wake up, we were able to make a short stop and feed her before hitting the road again. It wasn’t until the sun went down that Everleigh decided to throw a fit!

We continued on our journey and made decent time to Mobile. We arrived in time for dinner! It was great catching up with them before heading out, but once again, goodbyes are hard! This is the part I hate the most!

Day 1 completed….425 miles down….too many left to count!

Goodbye Fernandina Beach!

After 25 years of living in Fernandina, I had to pack up my house and move to Washington. My husband got orders in October, and until the last box was packed, I was in denial! I didn’t want to believe that my life and the people surrounding it was about to change drastically!

Saying goodbye has been the hardest thing to do! I’m so use to seeing the same faces daily. I’m attached to the kids my children are friends with. I love my town and all the people in it…well, most of them anyway!

As we gave our final hugs, I choked back the tears. My kids are hurting but I know this is what is best for our family. We are one big, blended family, and even without one of us, it is incomplete. The hardest goodbye was to my 18 year old daughter who won’t be able to join us until this summer after her semester of college is over. For 18 years she’s been mine. I’ve seen her, I’ve held her, I’ve loved her….and now she will be thousands of miles away. This is going to be the longest 5 months of my life!

To everyone of my friends and family I left behind….

I love you all! You’ve been an amazing support to me and my family throughout the years. Miles may separate us, but you will forever be in my heart!

Goodbye Fernandina Beach! Until we meet again….