Tag Archives: motherhood

A Week of Sleepless Nights

When you announce to the world you are pregnant, you are often greeted with unsolicited advice and horror stories.  You will hear about the horrible weight gain of this one, the traumatic labor and delivery of that one….but the BEST stories are the ones told regarding the first year of life after your precious bundle of joy enters the world.

I was no different.  I was 19 years old when I got my first positive pregnancy test.  I heard all of the horror stories you can imagine, mostly due to my age I suppose.  I guess people were trying to scare me. I’m pretty sure that should’ve been done prior to the positive test, not after I had already fallen in love with the little ball of cells that would soon become my first born! Everyone told me over and over how many sleepless nights were in my future….how many days I was doomed to spend walking around like a zombie, due to the lack of sleep this little person I was growing inside me would make me suffer through.  They warned me…over and over, that the first few years would be SO hard!  But…what they didn’t tell me, what they didn’t warn me of, was my future of sleepless nights would haunt me well after my first born was an adult!

23 years & 8 months later, my first born is now a grown man. My only boy of five children. He literally is my one and only, mamma’s boy. We’ve been through so much together at such a young age. We’ve mourned the loss of his father together, welcomed the birth of his sister 8 months later together, learned to rebuild our family together, suffered through teen angst together, and finally, grew up and came to love the differences in each other…together.  He is everything I am not, but I am everything he needs when he needs it. His dad and I created a compassionate, caring, carefree, loving, wild, funny, strong, man and I know he is proud of him.  But with his carefree side comes a price at times….and that price is anxiety of the unknown.

Sometimes my anxiety hits me and it’s not always justified.  Losing my first husband in a car wreck, all it takes is the sound or sight of sirens to send me into a calling spree and a headcount of loved ones to make sure everyone’s accounted for. Last week it happened twice. Once I was able to ease my fears pretty quickly with the help of a Facebook post. But the second time, my anxiety was through the roof!

I had spoken to my son that evening and he was headed off to a Halloween party. He said “I love you, later” (he refuses to say bye—)

So when I see a post regarding a wreck coming from a Halloween party, I panicked. Anxiety shot up, and there I was….stuck with no way to get in touch with him. My husband was out of town in Greece for work or else I would’ve been in my car driving to that party, but with my two youngest at home, I had to wait it out.

I stayed by my phone….I stalked Facebook….and hours later when I knew it wasn’t my son,  my anxiety was gone, but it was replaced with sadness and grief for those lives lost and those that witnessed the horrible accident.  May God watch over those left behind.

The next morning, I heard the best sound a mother could ever hear…the sound of my sons voice after a sleepless night of wondering if I would ever again hear that familiar, “Hey mom!” Ever again.  Of course his response after telling him how worried I had been was, “I was ok mom….nothing is going to happen to me!”

But all parents know, just because your child grows up and is safe from one risk, there is always another waiting to take its place.  No matter what age your child may be, you will always be their parent. And as a parent, you must always be prepared to spend a sleepless night, worrying about your baby….no matter how big or small! And even if I would’ve known about all the sleepless nights, all the worry, all the heartache…I still would’ve had seen that positive test, all those years ago!
The day my world changed forever….this little person made me a mom! ❤️

My oldest two babies!  😘😘

The reason for every sleepless night, my reason for every breath I take….my five beautiful babies! They are worth it all!