Tag Archives: divorce

Little Girl Lost, Or Not

Out of all the things that I’ve done in my life, being a mother is and always will be by far the most important thing I’ve ever done!  Even as a child, I knew I wanted to be a mother.  My dream career choice would change, but being a mother was always top on my list.  I was the youngest of three children, and the only girl, so I would spend hours playing with my babies or Barbies by myself.  I even taught myself how to French Braid hair using my fake babies! I was destined to be a mother! And at 19 years old, I did just that! I gave birth to the first of five beautiful gifts God blessed me with. One boy, then four girls. I am extremely happy with my children, and I have never for one minute been unhappy with my choice of having any of them. My choices of their fathers, on the other hand, I should’ve been more picky…for their sakes! 

While growing up, I met numerous girls that had “boy issues”. Everyone knows “that girl”…the girl who seeks attention from boys, the one who flirts excessively, the one with “daddy issues”, and the one that would jump from guy to guy just looking for someone to love her.  Be honest….you know her….you still know her…or you are her…either way, you know who I’m talking about! From an early age, I always felt sympathy for “her”.  At the time, I didn’t have anything in common with her.  My parents weren’t divorced.  My mom and dad are still happily married to this day and celebrated their 47th wedding Anniversary this past June. Maybe it is my strong mothering instinct, but I always felt bad for “that girl” and would look past her actions and see what was in her heart. If she was a good person, that’s all that mattered to me. I could careless what everyone else thought of her sexual behavior, I knew it was from something deeper, something emotional and had nothing to do with her being a bad person. 

When I had my children, I wanted to provide a stable household for them to grow up in. I didn’t want to have children who had emotional issues that would cause them to act out and be judged harshly by society.  I had a great example of how a man should love a woman. My father was a faithful man. He NEVER strayed during their marriage. In fact, my mothers biggest competition was his weakness for playing softball and coaching! I spent many nights in the bleachers watching the boys play underneath the glare of the field lights. So it’s no shock that my first love was an athlete! My High School sweetheart played football, wrestled, weight lifted and was an amateur boxer.  We were married after school and had our son. I picked a husband and the father of my children based on what I grew up with…my father….a good, strong, loving man! 

But, of course, fate had a different plan. When I lost my husband 2 years later, my world crashed around me. I can’t describe how much pain and anger consumed me.  But as soon as I knew my body held the future child we had created before he passed away, the pain and anger had to be put aside.  My body was a safe place for our unborn child…the grief would have to be dealt with after I had delivered my baby girl 8 months later.  Then and only then did I let the pain and anger consume me and my body.  She was now safe in the outside world. 

I then became “that girl”. Not in the sense of being sexually active with anyone and everyone, but I became very reckless with my choice in men. I no longer chose good, quality men. It took me years of psycho analyzing myself to realize just exactly what I did to myself during those years following the death of my husband. I didn’t think I deserved nor did I think I would ever find another soul mate in this life time! I had it once, and I would never have it again.  My second husband was not a man I could say I ever really loved. He was a very bad man.  I will always be grateful for our beautiful daughter, but he has caused me and my children too much pain to ever say I am thankful to have ever met him.  

Now, my 3rd husband. I did love him. I thought he was a good man. A man that would be a great family man.  He was a Christain, his family was as well. But he turned out to be a “bad boy”.  Why do women chose the bad boy?  I can tell you why…to punish ourselves in some away or another.  Years later, I know why I chose him, but it doesn’t make it easier to accept those reasons when i am dealing with him and parenting our daughter. 

I am open with my girls about being dependent on a man. I’ve tried to make them independent and self sufficient. I guess I can thank my ex for that….In one therapy session he stated I was needy! Bitch, please!!! I was working 6 days a week as a Registered Nurse, making more money than him AND taking care of my kids!! I didn’t NEED him…I WANTED him because he was my husband! I guess he was right in a way,  I NEEDED him to be a faithful, loving, family man!  I guess at was just too much to ask! 

Anyway, the two oldest girls have done very well being strong and independent in spite of the chaos my horrible 2nd and 3rd marriages put our family through.  Both are living in North Carolina and will tell a man where to shove it if they overstep their boundaries! But my 3rd daughter, I’ve been particularly concerned with lately. If you haven’t read my blogs about this particular situation 24 Days Of Silence and It Took 5 Weeks

For a quick recap, we moved back from Washington State on June 26th. On July 3rd, my daughter and her dad got into an argument. July 5th she texted him because he wasn’t answering her calls.  This is the conversation. 

After that, all of her calls and texts were blocked.  There was no contact from her father AT ALL!  He didn’t show up at the games to watch her cheer, call the first day of her freshman year of high school, call to invite her to his wedding in August…nothing…until October 5th. She received a text asking if she was evacuating for the hurricane.  The next text came on October 31st. In one text she questioned him regarding him blocking her.  His response was “I’m not dealing with the drama of you telling me what you are and aren’t going to do”  She sent him a video of her doing her back tuck for the first time on November 2nd and he never responded to her…and he hasn’t since! For anyone who knows anything about tumbling, when you conquer a skill for the first time, it’s a BIG deal! Its the equivalent of hitting a home run or a winning touchdown! It’s been 20 weeks since he has physically laid eyes on his daughter. Why? Because she back talked to him! **GASP**

Hmm…oh, you mean we get to decide when we feel like we want to be parents??  Hot damn….nobody told me!!! Where’s my dang vacation!!! Somebody owes me some fruity alcoholic drinks with an umbrella! And a massage…yea, I want a massage too!  And a pedicure…and a steak, medium rare…oh, crème brûlée too! YES!!  Hell, at this point, I would settle for a teenager that would pick her backpack up off the floor without grunting at me and rolling her eyes OR having to ask her 14 times before she “remembers” what I told her! But that’s what parenting is…but I guess he doesn’t have to do that. When it got hard, he bailed…just like he did on our marriage! Which is why I’ve been SO concerned with her lately! If the man she is supposed to look up to and use as an example for her future relationships turns his back on her so easily, just for being difficult, what kind of man will she choose to be with? Will she be drawn to the bad boy? Will she become “that girl” that everyone whispers about in the hallway. A girl who’s just emotionally lost and misunderstood? 

This weekend my daughter showed me a side of her I’m not sure she even knows exists. It showed me she has the emotional maturity that is lacking in most teens and to be quite honest, emotional maturity her own father lacks as well.  We watch The Bachelorette together as a family. Her sisters watch it as well.  We all had our favorite and from the beginning, Robby Hayes from Jacksonville was one of hers. When he made it to the final two, she was SO upset when JoJo didn’t pick him! Well, we had the opportunity to meet him on Saturday.  He was doing an appearance at a local bar.  My daughter was too young to go inside, but thanks to an awesome friend, he got Robby to come outside to meet her. My sweet fangirl, who is 14, spent 2 hours curling her hair and primping! When Robby walked out of the bar, the look on her face was priceless.  She was in shock. She bear hugged him and smiled from ear to ear! He took pictures with her and my cousins daughter, he even snap chatted her sisters in North Carolina, which literally was the highlight of their night! (I’ve heard the video 1000 since) 😃 He really is just as nice in person as he was on the show.  I admit it, I was a skeptic, but he proved me wrong.  He wasn’t just edited to be a nice guy, he just IS! 

My point of the story is this…out of all the guys on the Bachelorette…all the “hot” guys, guys with abs of steel, model-like guys, smooth talkers, etc…my girl, she chose the NICE guy! She chose the good guy that treated not only his lady with respect, but everyone else as well.  And THAT makes my heart happy! 

Maybe her dad falling off his pedestal isn’t such a bad thing after all.  Instead of leading by example, he’s given her an example of what NOT to look for in a man.  Either way, my girl and her heart will be ok…she’s smart, she’s strong, and she IS needy like her momma as well, but it’s ok….just like her momma, my girl will find her happiness!  

Can’t you see the pure joy all over her face?!? 


My Ex Got Married…Again!

My ex-husband got married today. It’s his 3rd wife.  I suppose I should feel some sort of way, but I just don’t.  At this point it’s almost comical.  And before my critics go on their rant blasting me to God and everyone, YES, I’ve been married four times, BUT I am a widow, a domestic violence survivor, and was lucky enough to make it out of my 3rd marriage from above mentioned adulterous husband with MOST of my self esteem intact!  Thank God for my amazing fourth husband of almost 10 years who continues to lick my battle wounds of relationships past!  So go on critics….speak your lies….try to make yourselves relevant…who gives a crap, my blog is not intended for you anyway! 

So, where was I?  The ex….yea, so he got married….again! (YAWN) If I was a betting woman, I would say this won’t be the last! He will be bored in 2 years and those blue eyes will wander….just a matter of time.  

I gotta give this one props though.  You see, back when we were married, his mistress was SO important to him. He left his family for her.  Almost failed his Engineer test because of her.  He put his job on the line by lying for the stupid bitch. But when push came to shove, the injunction I held against her for stabbing me allowed me also to have our divorce papers include no contact between his mistress and our daughter….EVER!  Well, apparently, mistress number one wasn’t nearly as important to him as she thought she was.  That was the end of their relationship.  I was told he would NEVER give up his child for a woman! 

Fast forward 11 years later.  Mistress number two, who today became wife number 3, must’ve been WAY better than mistress number 1!  The same man who couldn’t imagine giving up his daughter for a woman has now turned his back on his only child! And why? Because parenting is hard.  Because his daughter is holding him accountable for his actions.  Because his daughter threatened the relationship apparently more important than his own flesh and blood! And what was this threat?? The threat of the truth!  He didn’t want his future wife to know the truth. The truth about his past that could change the way she saw him and their relationship. 

Prior to our marriage, my ex told me his father said to him, make sure this is what you want…marriage is a one time thing!!  His father is a man of God….a Deacon in the church. But yet this man has stood up two more times before God and other witnesses and allowed his son to stand before God and his peers and lie! He has stood by and allowed him to speak vows of untruth, and continues to support him time and time again.  And for 6 weeks prior to the wedding today, not one word from the paternal grandparents. My daughter has been cut off from the entire family.  She has been outcast because she had the nerve to speak the truth and hold her father accountable for his actions.  These people that stand before God every week in church and proclaim to be holy! The Devil was once an Angel. Christianity should begin at home.  If you don’t practice true Christianity within your own family, how can you preach it to others within the church walls?? 

So, while I have no emotions regarding the marriage, I do have emotions regarding my daughter.  I can’t change who her family is, I can only help her cope with what she was given.  She is angry, and YES SHE HAS ISSUES THANKS TO THAT FAMILY, but I will do everything in my power to let her know it’s not her fault! It’s his loss, she’s a great kid! She’s extremely bright, sassy, smart-mouthed, hard-headed, stubborn, and relentless…and yes, she gets ALL of that from ME!! BUT, that coldness that she uses to cut those she pissed at, yea, she gets THAT from the paternal side…enjoy it!

It Took 5 Weeks

5 weeks! That’s how long my daughter endured silence from the paternal side of her family. No calls, no texts, no social media likes or comments….5 weeks of being ignored! And the night before the first day of school, the silence was broken! The night before she starts High School…in a new place….with no real friends yet….with nerves about the next day looming….and finally a text comes through after 9 pm! Was it from her dad? Oh no, of course not! It was from her cousin wanting to know what was going on and why she wasn’t attending her dads wedding this weekend. 

My daughter explained her side of the story and told her she didn’t know when or where the wedding was. She had no clue prior to the text from her cousin when he was getting married. So instead of being understanding, her cousin told her she should apologize to the family and go to the wedding!!! WTF???  No seriously…..WHAT…THE….FUCK???? My daughter said he should be the one apologizing since he was the adult.  In summary of the texts that went back and forth, she basically told my daughter she would regret not going, but my daughter declined her invitation to pick her up Saturday for the wedding. 

Now, I’m sure she was put up to texting her so I really don’t blame her.  When I was a young woman, I was naive and did believe almost everything my parents told me too! But timing is everything.  Tomorrow will be stressful enough for my girl without her having this to deal with, but according to her cousin, maybe I should be more concerned about her fathers stress level as he’s SO stressed with this wedding!! NOT!!  

Here’s the thing. I’ve contemplated many times why I married him.  I knew how he was with women before me, and yet I still dated him.  And when he asked me to marry him, I felt SO special, because after all, he NEVER married the OTHER women! (sarcastic)   I quickly found out I was NOT special or lucky, but oh so unlucky!  Lesson learned.  Then he married again. I often wondered how she could’ve overlooked what he had done to me.  The cheating, the lying, the crazy mistress he kept screwing after she stabbed me….I found out the story was twisted, but I only found out after he cheated on his 2nd wife too!! 

So my question tonight is simple. If you are the potential 3rd wife of a man with his history.  Even if he lies about me and denies any part of the affair with my attacker, he can’t deny his affair and cheating on his 2nd wife, because the potential 3rd wife was his mistress!! So…Miss almost 3rd wife….you were his mistress….you won….broke up his marriage to his second wife.  I’m sure you think you are SO special, right? Can you explain how a man can walk away from his ONLY child without a second thought? His own flesh and blood that he helped create….he cut ties with her because she pissed him off!!! So, if he can do THAT to a CHILD that is his own, what in the hell do you think he can and will do to you and your children??? 

I may have been SO stupid when I was in love with him, but I can tell you this! If he had a child, and he refused this child for any reason whatsoever, there would be NO relationship, much less a wedding!  Any man that willingly blocks a child from calling them and texting them has a heart of ice. He has blocked off his emotions so he can’t feel love! If I were you, I would run the other way as fast as you can! If not, if you are so determined to tie the knot, keep your finances separate.  Make him sign a prenup! Don’t buy a house in both of your names!  You, my dear, are his one way ticket to an easy retirement! Florida is a 50/50 state. Do your homework before you say “I do” 

And let’s talk about those vows for a moment, shall we?

 “For better or worse” –I hope you or your kids don’t get sick, he doesn’t “like” hospitals…ask his mommy!  He will leave any chance he gets and complain the entire time he’s there, regardless of how serious the situation is.  Even if it is for his own child. 

“For richer or poorer” –As long as you keep making money, he will keep saving his!

“In sickness and in health”–“Not only does he not “do” hospitals, but even pregnancy freaks him out!

“Love and cherish you”—you and anyone else who strokes his ego!

I am assuming you are blinded by love temporarily.  And, if I’m wrong, then you must be just as ice cold as he is, because no woman, much less mother would allow a man she claims to love start a life with her knowing he has cut ties with his only child! And if that’s the case, then I wish both of you a life full of nothing but the best hell has to offer!! F**K you both! 

24 Days of Silence

It’s been 24 days of silence.  No call, no text, no knock on the door….just silence!  I would like to say I’m surprised. I would like to say I’m shocked at his actions. That would be a lie. I’ve always known how selfish of a man he was and he has finally shown just how deep his selfishness runs through his veins…deep into his cold, black heart! 

Let’s take a moment and play catch up! I’ve been postponing this blog for some time now, hoping beyond all hope this would blow over but it’s not.  So, why not just let the world know how I feel! I have nothing to lose! 

After hearing for the past 2 plus years endless rants about being separated from his child from my ex, my husband was determined to get orders back to the area.  We wanted what was best for our daughter and figured being in close proximity to her dad was important. He managed to snag orders back to the East coast and we were ecstatic! We left Washington state the afternoon of the last day of school to head from West to East coast. Two cars, 3 adults, 3 kids, 3 dogs and 1 U-Haul loaded up and packed in tight, we were happy to be heading home! It took 11 days to get back. As soon as we got into town we made arrangements for my ex to pick up my daughter.  

That same week cheer camp started. Even though technically it was “his” time for the summer and he should’ve been responsible for picking up and dropping her off, that’s not the way it went. Prior to our move, we never went by the final paperwork. By HIS choice, he had never exercised his right for summer visitation, holiday visitation etc. He would more or less call when he wanted her and I would let him have her. He rarely kept her overnight, but would get her after school, do homework, eat dinner and bring her home. It has ALWAYS been my responsibility to take care of the extra curricular activities and making sure she was where she needed to be. Mostly because he doesn’t really like cheerleading, but that’s a whole  other blog!! Anyway, so that week, we co-parented and shared responsibility for taking and picking her up from cheer. It was not a big deal for me to pick her up for him since I was only 5 minutes away.  Everything was going well…we were getting along, everything was fine.  Until…..

My 14 year old daughter comes home from her dad house and tells me his future wife (his mistress from his 2nd marriage) says to her, “I was going to buy you that Chex mix you like, but I wanted to wait to see if you needed it first!” Then she grabs her belly and says, “You’ve put on some weight, haven’t you?” 

Now, any mother should know it took everything in me not to call her immediately to tell her what I thought of her comments to my daughter! My daughter who is 5 foot 9, wears a size ZERO and was barely 14!! Are you kidding me?!??!  Instead, I talked to my daughter calmly about her body image of herself, reiterated the fact that she was indeed NOT fat, and waited until I could calmly talk to the ex before I brought it up. His reply was, he heard her say it and he thought about saying something, but didn’t. So I just said to tell her to not talk about her weight or body anymore because if it happens again, I would be the one having the conversation! Still….at this point, everything was ok. 

July 4th weekend…

He had plans to take her to the race on Saturday with his future wife (&future ex😀), and her  kids. He was supposed to bring her home Sunday so she could do 4th of July with us. It was technically my weekend as he had her last year and we were now following the visitation schedule for holidays instead of splitting the day up like we had in prior years. While waiting for my daughter to come home, I laid down with the baby. I was woken up by my husband telling me something was wrong with my daughter. 

Apparently her dad had decided he wasn’t going to bring her home. So my daughter, being a smart mouthed teenager, starts arguing with him. He then tells her he’s not bringing her home at all! This was after I had received a text saying “come get me” from my daughter, so I sent my 18 year old daughter to pick her up not knowing what was going on!  So the ex proceeds to argue back and forth and she goes outside with her things to wait in her sister. So what does he do? He calls the cops and reports her for being an “unruly teen who’s running away”  By the time my husband got me from the babies bed, I had to call dispatch to see what was going on. They told me the officer would decide whether or not to arrest her when he arrived!! 

Now let me explain something to those who have no idea where we live what would’ve happened.  My daughter, my 14 year old daughter, who’s never been in trouble in school, never been suspended, would’ve/could’ve been arrested and taken to juvenile hall in Jacksonville, where she would’ve remained until Tuesday because it was a holiday weekend. All because she had a smart mouth and said something he didn’t like! 

Luckily, my older daughter arrived before the cops to get her sister.  He tried to threaten her and told her she was 18 now and could be in a lot of trouble if she took her, but she did anyway. He took pictures of her tag and called in a description. I met up with my girls a few minutes later and took them to the safety of our home. 

So…later that evening, my daughter received a text from his future wife telling her how disappointed she was in her! What in the hell???? Seriously….I couldn’t let it go this time. I told her what I thought about everything from her comments to my daughter to the affair she had with him while he was married to his second wife! And I also made sure she knew she wasn’t his first mistress….she wasn’t special….she was just the next in line and she needed a prenup with an infidelity clause!!

The ex kept threatening contempt of court, but I had the papers to prove it was MY weekend per the papers!  Of course he’s to,d everyone I stole her from him and it was HIS weekend, but a little screenshot of the paperwork texted to him stopped the threats. 

The day after,  my ex  blocked my daughter from calling or texting his phone.  She has no way of contacting him unless she happens to knock on his door and he’s at home.  He sold his sob story to his family as well. His mom had plans to go shopping with my daughter a few days later and backed out because “she couldn’t promise she wouldn’t talk about it!” This is a woman who claims to be a Christain woman. A devote Catholic who spends every minute she can involved in church functions.  Her husband is a deacon in the church, but yet it’s been over 2 weeks and not a word from them.  They are SO Christain, but yet are willing to stand before God with a smile on their face and support him as he says his vows for the THIRD time, after cheating on his first two wives!!!  Hypocrisy!  They never hold him accountable for his actions.  The blame was shifted to my daughter…a 14 year old little girl had to take the fall for her dad so he can continue to do what he does.  

And the rest of the family….chirp, chirp, chirp….you guessed it! Nothing. After the initial conversation with the Aunt where she basically sat there and bashed me to my daughter and blamed me for EVERYTHING….from the affair right down to the attack from the slutty mistress….it was ALL my fault!  HE did nothing. HE was the victim.  Oh and his second marriage….you guessed it….same thing….not his fault….all her fault! I guess his penis must’ve accidentally slipped and fell into another woman besides his wife!!! Gotta watch out for the slippery suckers….they will get you in trouble every time! 😂😂😂  And anytime they feel the need to back up their lies with the actual truth, they can march right on down to the court house and pull up a copy of the paperwork for themselves!  It’s better to know the truth before spreading lies all over town!  

In all seriousness, this was a blog I wished I never had to write.  I knew he was a weak man when it came to romantic relationships, but I never dreamed he would be so weak when it came to his parental one.  He handled his parental role much like he’s always handled his romantic relationships….at the first sign of trouble, when things get just a little bit too hard and it’s time to put some work & effort into it, he runs away as fast as he can.  That, my friends, is a sign of a true coward! 

“Please Dad, Please!”

When you are divorced and you share a child with an ex, there are times when you feel as if you are still married. Trapped…in limbo…waiting until the magical age of 18 when you can forever cut ties with your ex! But until then, you are left to dangle there, wanting nothing more than to never have to deal with your ex again! You lived through the disappointments while being married, and now you are living through the disappointments once again! But this time, it’s worse! Why? Because now, not only are you disappointed, but your heart is breaking! You are looking at your beautiful child, the only thing good that came out of the marriage, and you are watching your child slowly lose faith in your ex. You watch time and time again as he disappoints her, over and over. You listen to the excuses that were once reserved for you, now spoken you to the child you both share! And it hurts…

 

What I like to call the beginning of the end, when my ex and I were still married, we had an argument because of him disappointing one of my other children. My oldest daughter did not have a dad to visit on the weekend, her dad died before she was born. Her relationship with my ex was extremely important to her. She didn’t have anyone else as a father figure, so to her, he was it. She was cheering for a rec league and had a competition coming up locally. She asked him to attend the competition, but he declined and told her he had to work. He promised her he would attend Regionals in Orlando if they qualified. He had no idea that their squad would do just that! Regionals were held during Thanksgiving weekend. We planned on eating with his parents, then heading to the competition for the remainder of the weekend. At the last minute, he refused to go. He stayed at his parents house instead. So I left their house upset and angry for my daughter! I knew how much it meant to her and knew she was broken hearted! He was full of broken promises and was unapologetic for it!

Over the years since our divorce, I’ve hidden the broken promises from our daughter as much as I could. There were a lot of times he just wouldn’t call, he wouldn’t come get her, he didn’t show up to her special events, he just didn’t care. But with her being only 2 years old when we separated, it was easy for me to keep it hidden. That was up until the last couple of years. She got older and when she became a teenager, the lack of contact he had with her was apparent.

Now I’m sure his family and friends will tell you this is because I moved her all the way across the country, but that’s not why! He never had scheduled visitation. He never took her whenever he could. He went on vacations by himself numerous times since our divorce, but only one time in 10 years had he included our daughter, and that was with his parents. She missed out on a family wedding…the only one missing….with the excuse “I thought you wouldn’t let her go!” He never asked!  When my husband got orders to Washington, my ex was upset. I promised I would let her see him as much as possible. We agreed to each pay half of all flights back to Florida. When we had divorced, our child support had been set based on our current situation. 10 years later, I had never sought an increase with the agreement he would just help with any extra expenses that came up that weren’t factored in to the original divorce. During the first 6 months we lived in Washington, my ex refused her for Spring Break and her birthday…he would go 2-3 weeks at a time without calling her or returning her phone calls. Finally, after 6 months, I flew to Florida and she came with me and stayed for 5 weeks. During that time period, she spent almost every day with her stepmom. Her dad was always working. I was so thankful she had her stepmom, but sad for my daughter who longed to spend time with her dad as well!

Upon returning to Washington, we found out he had cheated on his wife and was planning on filing for divorce. Once again, my daughters heart broke! I was so glad we were living in Washington and she wouldn’t be subjected to another divorce on a daily basis!

My daughter was due to return in December for Christmas. I asked him repeatedly not to introduce his new girlfriend to our daughter. He kept denying he had cheated on his wife. He promised he would not introduce her to any woman…it would be just him and her spending time together. Less than 24 hours after she got off of the plane, she met her dads new girlfriend, who was also still married, and her two children. While there, they went to Orlando on vacation and her dad and girlfriend slept in the same bed together while my daughter shared a bed with the girlfriends daughter! Of course when I found out I was livid!! He couldn’t understand why I was SO upset that his 12 year old daughter was in the same room as them. Helllooooo!!!! Are you freaking kidding me?? First of all, she was still getting used to the idea of him getting a divorce, second of all, they were both STILL MARRIED TO OTHER PEOPLE!

I felt like an idiot! Since we had left almost a year before, anytime I had asked for help with her extra curricular activities, he told me he didn’t have any money! He couldn’t pay $250 for his half of cheerleading. He couldn’t afford half of school supplies….he had NO money! But here he was, spending money on his new girlfriend and her kids, meanwhile our kid is being left out. So I told him I was taking him back to court! Since then, he is refusing to talk to me. He will tell anyone who will listen it’s because I moved her to Washington, but that’s not true! It only became an issue when his child support was adjusted per Florida guidelines! I didn’t ask for more than what guidelines suggest! I’m not greedy by any means, but let’s be honest….if you can spend money on your mistress and her kids, you better be ready to spend it on your own child! You had her first and she’s your responsibility just as much as she is mine!

So this year has been full of disappointments for my daughter. She’s on the cheer squad and had been asking her dad since the summer to go to a cheer competition. I even offered to let him stay in our home to make it more affordable! He kept telling her he had to work! Her cheer squad made it to state….she continued to beg him to come….then he told her he didn’t have the money! The very same month he refused to come see her, he went to Central America with his girlfriend…supposedly for her work, but he had to take time off from work and there had to be out of pocket expenses for him. Once again, he let his daughter down. By the way, they won state!! 🙂

Then Spring Break came along. She was supposed to go to tryouts for cheer for the High School she is attending next year. They got into a big argument because he wanted to go to North Carolina with his girlfriend and her kids and stay in a cabin. He never asked our daughter about going. He didn’t care if she missed tryouts. He didn’t care if she didn’t get to see any of her family or friends while there. Not to mention, she told him herself he spent $800 on a cabin but couldn’t afford to see her cheer! Smart girl! Luckily for her, she got to tryout the day before they left for North Carolina…and she made it! 🙂

Now that she’s on the team, she has responsibilities for fundraising. Unfortunately, we are here and can’t participate. My husband has already reported to work and was able to attend the cheer parent meeting. My ex promised his daughter he would be there….no surprise, he was a no show! The next day she was at her best friends house when her dad returned her phone call. While on speaker, her friends mom heard the entire conversation regarding him missing the meeting. He denied telling our daughter he would be there. He stated he had to work, even though he never called or texted to tell her he had to miss it. My husband signed up for 4 shifts for the upcoming festival to work since my daughter won’t be there to work her 2 and her dad wasn’t there to sign up for any. When my daughter told him he needed to work 2 shifts he told her he couldn’t commit, he MAY have to work! He’s a fireman, he knows his schedule in advance! Later on, the mom told me about the conversation. She said she was so upset for my daughter. She said he was so cold, so cruel, not apologetic at all….she was pissed! She did say she was proud of my daughter though for standing up to him…my daughter said to her dad, at least I can count on my stepdad to be there for me!  My ex had no idea someone else heard just how cruel he really is….the real him…the him that is the only true thing about him…cold and cruel!

So tonight I sat here once more listening to my daughter beg and plead to her dad. He finally committed to working one shift on Saturday for 3 hours. My husband will be responsible for the rest of the shifts. My ex asked why granny (my deceased husbands mom) couldn’t work a shift for her! Are you kidding!!! His girlfriend had just told my daughter she was not her REAL grandmother during Spring Break when she complained about not seeing her, but now that you want her to do something for YOU, she’s her granny!! This woman has been there since day 1…she has always been her grandparent…always calls…every week…and yes, she offered to work a shift, but my husband told her he would do it because she has family coming in! What about my daughters “blood” relatives that live in town! Her grandparents, aunt, uncle etc….why can’t they cover his shift!! They are only related to her when it’s convenient for them! And what’s my exes excuse for not working a Sunday shift? Oh….he has to paint a bathroom! Seriously….I can’t make this shit up! A freaking bathroom….it’s full of shit and so is he!

My precious daughter sat here begging and pleading for her dad to do this ONE thing for her….Please dad, please….can’t you just paint it next weekend…aren’t I more important than a bathroom?

Of course you are baby…and don’t you EVER forget it!

 

 

 

 

An Evil Heart

December 2004 was the first time I had ever attended therapy as a couple. I had been to therapy previously when my first husband passed away, but never as a couple. When I made that appointment, I had hope in my heart. I really felt like this would be the answer to our marital issues. I knew how deep my love for my husband ran, and I knew I was willing to do anything to make our marriage work. Whenever I fell in love with him, I gave him 100% of my heart. I loved him no matter what. I loved his faults, I loved his quirky grin, I loved his weird giggle, I loved the way he told a story, and I loved his skinny frame. He didn’t need to do anything special to impress me…I loved him just the way he was. And that should’ve been enough to make it work, right? It turns out the only thing I wasn’t willing to accept was his infidelity and his lack of loyalty to our marriage. Don’t get me wrong, when I first found out about the affair, I was willing to do the work to drag our marriage out of the hole it was in and make it back to where we started. The only problem was, I was the only one willing to make the commitment to our marriage. After the attack, I knew the marriage would never be able to be salvaged. How could I ever trust my heart to a man who left me laying on the ground, bleeding, while he ran off with his mistress? How could I ever trust a man who stood in court under oath and refused to name my attacker?

During the first year after the attack, I really felt like his heart was filled with evil. How could I have been so wrong about a man? I thought I knew him but I had been wrong. Then, one day it happened. The man I had married reappeared and for the first time in over 2 years, I recognized the person I was speaking too.

I had called my now ex-husband to confirm him picking up our daughter from school. I also told him of my recent engagement. After hanging up, he called back and said he couldn’t pick our daughter up. When I told him she was excited and expecting him, he broke down crying. Now, I want to make a point here. Some men can cry at the littlest thing. My ex-husband could not. He cried when our daughter was born, he cried when he told our kids he was moving out, and now, he was crying….I was shocked! For the next 45 minutes I listened to him tell me how sorry he was for everything he had done. He said he was so f**ked up and she was a crazy bitch! (umm…yea she is)  He told me he never meant to hurt me. He said he knew that I would’ve never forgiven him for the affair, which was why he left. He swore he didn’t realize how bad I was hurt the night of the attack…he was drunk and he only remembered it partially, the forgotten portion was filled in by my attacker. He said he was happy I was getting remarried and said my future husband was a great guy…I deserved to be happy! I could go on and on about our conversation, but bottom line, he showed remorse for his actions and I knew he was sorry! He never intended for me to get hurt and I knew he was telling the truth. So, I gave him some advice. I explained I had been working through the emotional carnage from both the affair and attack for the last two years with the help of a therapist, and for our daughters sake he needed to do the same. She deserved her daddy to be emotionally healthy and happy!

Although he only went a couple of times, I received the apology I needed to remove the anger I held in my heart for him. I will never forget what he did or the role he played in my attack, but I will forgive him. He is not the same kind of manipulative human being as my attacker. Is he a habitual cheater? Yes! Does he carry more emotional baggage than Delta on any given day? Yes! Does that make him evil? No! It makes him sad…but that’s not my problem. The only time it concerns me is when it affects our daughter!

But the she-devil…she on the other hand has a heart made of pure evil. I’m pretty sure you could just post her damn picture beside the word “evil” in the dictionary and everyone would say “ahhh, yea, that makes sense!”  In the beginning, I tried putting myself in her shoes to understand how she could live with herself….I couldn’t do it!  She’s told anyone who would listen I was “much larger” than she was. I was indeed taller, but even the police report has her outweighing me. She stated in the injunction hearing “people told her the next day I was going to kick her ass” I guess she’s a mind reader since she attacked me prior to knowing that information. It’s been said I was “training to box”, making my hands dangerous, which is why she had to stab me. Now, I did work out boxing and I won’t lie, my straight right could put someone on their ass, so if indeed she’s correct and I attacked her first, how in the hell didn’t she end up with a busted nose? How was she able to overpower me to get a bottle? How….because she hit me with the bottle before I even had a chance to react!

Regardless of her version of the story, how could a supposedly innocent woman go around making fun of a woman she attacked and permanently disfigured? Why would she be so proud of the nickname “slasher” and be more than happy to respond when called by that name? Because she’s evil! There is no remorse for the actions that caused my injuries. No remorse for the affair. No remorse for sleeping with my husband after the attack. No remorse for my friend she tried to run off the road. No remorse for the man she married and shared a life with.  No remorse for the other family she destroyed by her cheating ways. And the worst part, no remorse for the lives of the children that were impacted negatively by all of her actions, including her own child!

Good always prevails over evil. It doesn’t always seem like it in the beginning, but over time, light shines bright for the good in all of us while darkness slowly but surely takes over the life of those that are evil!  My life hasn’t been perfect since the attack, but I can say for certain the love I’ve been shown since that time has been most definitely the brightest times I’ve had! And as far as my attacker goes, I’m pretty sure her cheating days are over.  Some call it karma, I like to call it justice!

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The Truth About Me

When I started this blog, I had no intention of it receiving this much attention. As a matter of fact, it wasn’t until recently that the interest soared. I have been living the same life now as I was when I started this blog 3 years ago, so what changed? What made people want to read what I had to say? Hmmm…I can only venture to guess it has a lot to do with my blogs on the attack. I knew putting out the information to the world would possibly draw negative attention, it was only a matter of time. Well, the time is now! I received this comment on the blog I wrote last night!

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First, let me start by saying I welcome any and all comments. In fact, many of you reading may be wondering if I did anything at all to antagonize my attacker. So let me “admit” the truth…I did!  The truth is I spoke very poorly of her to my husband. I thought she was a home wrecking whore and had expressed so on many occasions. I’m sure he shared my thoughts with her. I also made fun of her to my husband, and I suppose he told her. I admitted to him when I saw them eating lunch together, I thought she was ugly. In fact, I even made the statement if I had seen her at the fire station working with him, I wouldn’t for one second be concerned about her. I guess this proves looks really aren’t everything….sex sells people!! I also had the nerve to continue to be intimate with my husband and express my feelings of love while they were apparently “dating”, even though he reassured me they were “just friends”. Perhaps that was upsetting to her.

I’m only assuming the above commenter took the time to read all of my blogs before posting their opinions about me. If so, I’m not really sure what “horrendous” things they are referring to. I’ve admitted to calling the mistresses husband, I’ve admitted to many things I did during that time, but none of those things would I describe as “horrendous”! Horrendous is allowing yourself to become so jealous, you take a beer bottle, hit an unarmed person over the head, and repeatedly slash them over and over again, until someone pulls you off! Horrendous is lying under oath numerous times, each time giving conflicting stories. Horrendous is posting pictures making fun of the person you attacked. Horrendous is not showing any remorse for your actions. Horrendous is continuing to lie to your spouse regarding the attack and your affair, knowing you are sleeping with another man anytime you get the chance! Horrendous is breaking up another marriage. Horrendous is continually harassing anyone and everyone that crosses you, just because you can! Horrendous….that’s not me!

As far as timid…I would hardly consider myself timid. I’ve written in depth of the pain the attack and affair caused me and my family, but that doesn’t make me timid. As a matter of fact, it makes me strong! Strong enough to face my kids with stitches on my face and chest. Strong enough to face the public with my head held high within days of the attack, to put food on the table for my kids. Strong enough to endure multiple treatments to lessen the appearance of the scars. Timid….hardly!

Now as far as my family knowing the truth….I’ve never lied…not once. My story has never changed. My attacker and her witnesses on the other hand contradict each other and change their stories depending on which report you read. I have them…my attorney studied them…it’s all there in black and white. Only an idiot can’t see the truth. So I suppose if you believe I’m a liar, I would in fact be calling you an idiot!  I have nothing to hide. I’m not ashamed of who I was or who I’ve become. I was a woman, who gave her love to the wrong man, and paid the price. I take full responsibility for being so naïve.

But please, commenter, don’t “feel sorry” for me! I came out on top! I am remarried to the most perfect, supportive, faithful, loving man a woman could ever ask for and my attacker is married to a man who’s a known adulterer! So instead of feeling sorry for me, perhaps your sympathies should be directed towards her…it’s only a matter of time before he realizes who he’s married to and looks elsewhere for a worthy partner! I only hope her current husband is able to protect his future mistress from his crazy wife!! She’s going to need it!

So thank you mystery commenter for taking the time to read my blog, but don’t waste your time feeling sorry for me! I face the truth everyday when I look into the mirror…and the truth is, I’m much better off now than I EVER was then! Good night!

 

 

 

Raising A Child of Divorce

The statistics are alarming these days. Divorce is often not seen as “if” but “when” it will happen. Two people vow to share their lives with each other, for better or worse, in sickness and in health, richer or poorer, until DEATH…not, DIVORCE! But yet here I sit, 2 divorces behind me! The first divorce was partially my fault. I should’ve recognized the signs of abuse early on and never married him. But I didn’t and I left without any question in my mind I was doing the right thing. But the second divorce, no, I had no control over that one. Well, I guess I could’ve waited to let him file after the attack from his mistress, but that’s not what strong women do, right? And I had children that needed me to be a strong woman, to set an example for them to follow. Although I am happily married now and I couldn’t imagine my life without him, my divorce still haunts me! It’s almost like you aren’t married, but you never really get to let go of them if you share a child.

It’s been 10 years since the divorce. I prided myself on always being nice to him in spite of wanting to spit in his face for his part in the assault. I worked REALLY hard to overcome the hate I felt for this man. I knew I needed to let that go in order to co-parent our daughter. So that’s what I did. I invited him to her birthday parties, I kept him informed of everything that was going on in her life, I bit my tongue when he put women before his daughter, I called and tried to help him when he struggled being a father to a daughter! Open communication…always! If he wanted to see her, he was able to see her. No rules, just whatever was best for our girl! I even did my daughters hair for his 2nd wedding. No, I wasn’t always perfect, there were times I told him what I thought, but we were always able to work it out!

Fast forward 2 years in to his 2nd marriage and he cheats once again!! Of course the mistress is also married. He of course had a bunch of blame to place on his wife, but being on the other side of the blame game, I knew better than to believe the stories I was hearing! A few months before their split, we moved across the country due to my husbands orders. My daughter was supposed to fly back and spend Christmas with her dad. When she had been there 3 months before, he had been married to his wife. I begged him not to introduce our daughter to another woman just yet…she wasn’t ready. He assured me he would not! He was still denying the affair, but being from a small town, the rumor mill still traveled from east to west coast with ease!  While she was there, she not only met his mistress, but she and her kids went on vacation together. My ex and his mistress slept in the same bed while my daughter and her kids shared the same hotel room with them! Both of them were still married to other people…what kind of example was he setting for our daughter!

Needless to say, when she returned and I found out about the visit, I was upset! I called and told him I didn’t agree! We exchanged words and he threatened to take me back to court. He had agreed on the move but stated he would tell the court I had kidnapped her. Well, we ended up in court that summer. Child support was increased, something I never wanted, but since having a new girlfriend, he suddenly didn’t have the money to help with her extra curricular activities. Since that had been our agreement, I had no other choice but to take him back. I have to pay 100% of the airfare…not a big deal since there are only 3 more visits before we move back.

This is the first time my daughter remembers us arguing after the divorce . It breaks my heart for her, but there is nothing I can do. I’ve tried talking to him, but he refuses. He’s too busy with his new family! My daughter begged him to come to a competition this year, he kept saying he didn’t have the money now that his child support increased, but yet the vacations with his new family continued. During Competition season, she asked again, only to be given the excuse he couldn’t take off work. Well, less than a month after state competition, my daughter found out he went to South America with his mistress/now fiancée! Of course he didn’t spend a thing, but he did take off work to go, which was one of the many excuses he’s told our daughter.

It’s been a rough time for all of us. My husband is also deployed so we don’t have the support from him we are accustomed to having. This past week was bad in particular. My pain level was extremely high, my shoulder is giving me hell and although surgery is scheduled for March, it does nothing to relieve the pain now. The fibromyalgia is off the charts and so I have been an emotional wreck. Add to that an emotional daughter due to finding out another lie her dad told her and another bunch of excuses to make it all better, it really isn’t a good combination! Whenever she’s pissed at him, it all falls back on me! Usually I can handle it well, but with how I was feeling, I finally snapped back at her!

“How is it fair that I always get yelled at? Why is it always me that takes the brunt of what you’re feeling? Why do you scream at me whenever you are mad at him?”

With tears in her eyes she said “I can’t help it, I’m closer to you! I can’t tell him how I feel”

And with that statement, it made it all worth it! I remember telling him when she was younger, he was going to wake up one day and she would be grown up! He needed to take advantage of the time he had with her now before she became a teenager! Well that time is gone, and he wasted it on trying to impress women instead of being the dad to his daughter she deserves!

Just because you divorce, doesn’t mean you can rid yourself of them forever. Often times, the same hurt they caused you during your marriage, you will one day see in the eyes of your child! As a parent, seeing that pain is way worse than any pain he could’ve caused me. I wish I could take it all away, but since I can’t, I will just love her with everything I have! After all, she’s the best thing that came out of that marriage…she’s made every ounce of pain worth it and I would go through it all again!

 

 

 

The Definition of Evil

I don’t think evil can even begin to describe my feelings toward my attacker. I’ve spent a lot of time trying to over come the pain from this whole ordeal, but I’ve found once you seen evil, it’s hard to see past the darkness to remember what happiness feels like! You will need to get caught up so if you haven’t already read Part 1 and Part 2 you may want to do so!

I guess I should’ve known just how unstable my estranged husbands mistress was. A week before the attack, I received a phone call from her while I was in the office at a meeting. She was angry because I had reached out via phone to her husband. I wanted him to be aware of their affair as well! She of course denied the affair and said I was just a crazy, jealous wife. During the call she did everything in her power to try and break me down. Unfortunately for me, my husband had given her just the power she needed to do so! During the time the affair was going on, my husband had been sharing details about my previous two marriages. I’m sure initially it wasn’t to hurt me, but with the knowledge he provided, she did just that! It simply wasn’t enough for her to screw my husband and try to end my marriage, she wanted to break me down and leave me hopeless in the process!

During the call she spewed hatred from her mouth as easy as lava flows from a volcano! She was calculated and precise in her words. What could she say so terrible might you ask? Knowing that my first husband was killed in a car accident, she said “Your first husband is better off dead than living one more day with you!” For those who don’t know that story, it hurt me to the core! My love for my first husband ran deep! He was my high school sweetheart, a National Boxing Champion with aspirations to compete in the Olympics. His life was cut short in a tragic accident the day after Christmas while returning home from hunting with his brother. He and I had a 22 month old son and I found out 5 days after he passed away I was pregnant with our daughter! So as one might imagine, that cut me deep emotionally, just as she intended to do!

She also used our time conversing to tell me “If she were married to me, she would beat my ass everyday”, referring to my second husband! Thanks to my cheating spouse, she was made aware of the abuse I suffered at the hands of this man. Abuse of which he was aware of not by just hearsay, but by witnessing it with his own eyes! He was also abusive to my children as well. For her to empathize with any man who lays his hands on a woman and children to harm them just goes to show what kind of coldness is within her heart!

When I called my husband crying about what she had said to me on the phone, he said he had only told her those things to “explain” to her why I had been married so many times! What the hell!!! Why did he owe her an explanation of MY life! This was MY life, OUR marriage, and he had NO right to share my past with this woman! By the end of our conversation he was once again defending his mistress, doubting the validity of our conversation! Perhaps if he would’ve believed me from the beginning, I would’ve been sparred the physical wounds I suffered by her a week later!

After the injunction hearing, I was confident she would keep her distance. Well, wasn’t I the naïve one!

It didn’t take long for my husband to join in on tormenting me. He was living with his sister during our separation. One day he called me to tell me to come get money for support. I had filed for divorce shortly after the attack, but we hadn’t been to court yet. I drove over to his sisters house and there, in the driveway, was her car! I was so dumbfounded! Why in the hell would he deliberately be trying to destroy me little by little. My whole body reacted to the mere sight of the vehicle. Just knowing she was inside had me scared and on guard. I got the check and left quickly, thankful no incident occurred. That was when I realized the people I once considered my family were family no more. There was no way his sister wasn’t aware of the games he and she were playing. She had to know what was going on and was obviously enjoying it as much as the two of them. I could understand her siding with her brother, but what I couldn’t understand was her allowing this violent woman to be in the same house with her children. Not only during the day, but I found out she was also welcome to stay at night as well.

Several weeks passed and one of my friends called me. She had phoned to tell me she saw both of their vehicles up at the local Italian Restaurant! What she wasn’t aware of is that he had visitation of my daughter at the time! Every fiber of my body flew into protective mode! All I could think of was I needed to get my baby away from that woman! I knew she was unstable and I wasn’t trusting him to protect my baby! After all, he did stand by and watch the same one attack me without saying a word! I jumped into my truck and drove faster than the law allowed! God must’ve been on my side that day because I should’ve been pulled over! I walked into the restaurant and there they were, my husband and her on one side of the table and my 3 year old daughter and her 2 year old son on the other side of the table in high chairs! I couldn’t believe my eyes! I walked over, picked up my daughter, looked him right in the eyes and simply said “NOOOOOO” in the firmest voice I could muster! My baby girl reached up and said “Mommy!” As we walked out the door, he proceeded to yell profanities at me, but I just held my baby girl tight and thanked God I had her back safe and sound!

Their relationship continued for more than 9 months after my attack before we finally made it into court. Every time I left our daughter in his care, I worried about her wellbeing. All I could do was pray and wait for our day in court! At the hearing, the judge ordered no contact between my attacker and my daughter at all! He would NEVER be allowed to bring our daughter around his mistress for as long as she was a minor! I was also awarded child support and spousal support. Even though the divorce wasn’t final, I had some peace of mind knowing my daughter was safe!

Shortly after the hearing he ended their relationship. Our divorce proceedings continued and I thought I had heard the last from her. Not the case! My husband got a new girlfriend at some point. I guess she heard about it and wasn’t happy, even though she remained married. Somehow, I guess it became my fault he had moved on without her!! She picked up the phone and called me, threatening me once again! I called the Sheriff’s department and they retrieved the phone records. In spite of her blocking her number, they traced it back to her cell phone. They took the injunction violation to the States Attorneys Office and they declined to prosecute once again, saying it was JUST a “technical violation” and not worth it! I asked them if she would have to freaking kill me before they would ever file charges against her! I was over it! Once again, she remained untouchable!

Although the criminal justice system failed me, I was trying to go after her in a civil court of law, with the hope she would at the very least have to pay restitution of some sort. Let’s face it, I had been going to a therapist off and on for years to deal with what had happened, and even with insurance, it wasn’t cheap! I finally found an attorney who would file the case before the statute of limitations ran out! She asked me to keep a watch on her social media sites in case she was served without my knowledge. She didn’t want me to be caught off guard if she decided to retaliate! Daily, I would check it to make sure she was all smiles and giggles, living life without any worries. Then, I logged in to find some disturbing images on her page!

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This was the point where I realized she had no soul! She had stabbed me with a Budweiser bottle. I was called scarface by the very woman who made me that way! I knew this from several firemen I had run into since the incident. One was very blunt with me and told me that she made fun of me calling me scarface! She worked as an instructor and was nicknamed “slasher” and wore the name proudly! What kind of sane person would think this is ok? This is not the behavior of a normal person! She’s obviously deranged! Even though I knew about the nicknames, I won’t lie, it hurt reading it in black and white! Even more so because her fellow firefighters seemed to be enjoying the drama instead of being appalled at her actions!

I have so many things still hiding just beneath the surface. It was a long, hard road but I fully intend to let it all out! I plan to continue to write daily until I feel like the world knows the whole story! No, I wasn’t perfect in this situation. No pissed off, angry, vindictive woman is, but one thing is for certain….I have never been evil! Anything I did during that time was done to try and gain some sort of control of my life that was in a downward spiral! Let’s face it, the man I loved turned his back on me and his family for this woman, and I planned to make damn sure everyone knew exactly who she was, including her husband! Definitely not my finest moment, but I have no regrets. He’s happily married now and he deserves nothing less!

I’ve been quiet for far too long! I’ve been protecting the very people who did nothing to protect me in my time of need.  I’m sure I’ve ruffled some feathers over the last few days. That’s ok. I went into this knowing it would happen. Truthfully, it’s one of the reasons it’s taken me this long to let it out! I had to be strong enough to deal with the backlash! There is always those who will doubt the truth even if it’s spelled out for them clearly. Those people are called skeptics. They are the “glass half empty” kind of people! I don’t know about you, but these days, I like my glass half full!

Tomorrow’s Topic: We Have Something in Common…Our Husbands Mistress

(Oh yes….I can’t make this crap up!)