Tag Archives: cheating

I Just Want It To End

If you’ve been on the receiving end of a cheating scandal, you can understand the anger, hurt, rage, emptiness, despair, and self-loathing the cheating causes. At times it can bring you to your knees. No matter how many loved ones circle the wagons and attempt to help you through the rough times, the affair will cause a decrease in self worth…at least initially!

For me I felt all of those things and more. I had four children and without the support of my estranged husband, I had no choice but to go to work everyday. It wasn’t easy though. I would sit in my car and talk myself in to being happy when I arrived at my patients house. I would do my visit, trying to act “normal” until I could get out to the safety of my car. Once inside the comfort of my vehicle, all alone with my thoughts, I would cry. Big tears, snotty nose, crying. I hated my husband. I hated his mistress. I hated myself. I hated my life. I contemplated death on more than one occasion. It would be much easier just to let go and be pain free. I was sick of hurting, sick of crying, sick of being weak, and sick of being unwanted! How disgusting of a person I must be if the person I committed my life to and loved with every ounce of my being couldn’t even stand to be in the same room with me!

And just when I thought I couldn’t take the pain anymore, one of my kids needed me….they needed me….they wanted me….they were my everything! How could I let a man and another woman bring me so close to the brink of losing everything I had ever wanted! I wanted my babies from the first moment of conception and every moment afterwards. There was nothing and no one more important to me than them. The thought of not watching them grow up crushed my heart! I thought about all of the things I would miss if I continued to allow these two cheaters control my life. I would miss my son’s first real girlfriend. I would miss watching him drive away in a car for the first time. I would miss teaching him how to treat a girl on a first date. I would miss hearing him lay out his plan and his intention to marry the woman of his dreams!

I would miss my daughters go to their first prom. I would miss being there to walk them through becoming a woman. I wouldn’t be there to talk them through their first heartbreak. Or to kiss their cheek gently as I pulled the veil over their face, as they smiled, excited to start a life with the love of their life! I wouldn’t be there to watch my precious girls give birth to their first born…..I wouldn’t be able to tell them how perfect my new grandbaby is! I would miss all of these things and so much more….all because I was giving so much power to individuals who didn’t deserve it!

So like any good mother, I took the first step…I made the decision to take back control of my life. I called the doctor and went on antidepressants to help me through the rough days ahead. I was smart enough to know my life was more important than my pride. I knew if I didn’t do something, I could lose everything.

It wasn’t the first time I was on antidepressants. I also suffered from post partum depression after the birth of my fourth child. I think it had a lot to do with feeling like a failure. She was in the NICU for 8 days and as a mother, I took it personally. She was also the first child I had to leave to go back to work. Instead of supporting and comforting me during my time of need, my husband made fun of me. If I got upset about something, he would scream “Go take a pill!” He was condescending when I tried to talk about my emotional pain. He never liked dealing with feelings then and to this day, he still runs from them!

Those first few weeks were some of the hardest of the divorce. It’s scary to think I was so close to ending it all, and for what! My life turned out to be so much better than I could have hoped for, and if I had chosen a different path, I would’ve missed it all!

Keep strong and never give the cheaters the power to control your destiny…only you can do that!

 

You Aren’t That Special

So…are you the “other” person in a relationship? Was your love once forbidden and now your life together seems like it was destiny? Well, trust me, you aren’t that special!

There were other women before you came around, me included. I thought I could tame him. I thought I was “different” than the other girls he had dated in the past. I guess in a way I was, he married me, but I wasn’t so different except, for the ring! I too was on the other end of his coldness. I had witnessed first hand how he had destroyed others before me, but they were just girlfriends…our relationship was different…he was young…blah, blah, blah! I told myself the same excuses that I am sure you are!

Well, to all those women out there that were either mistresses or are mistresses, wake up! You know the saying and I shouldn’t have to repeat it, but once a cheater, always a cheater! Now I don’t mean that a marriage that has gone through infidelity can’t be saved. If a couple goes through infidelity, puts in the time and effort needed to heal what caused the cheater to cheat, then the marriage most definitely can be saved! Now, before you misunderstand, I in no way blame the non-cheating spouse for the affair…quite the opposite. More than not, cheating is usually caused by an insecurity of the cheater. They are usually holding back emotionally from their partner in life, so they act out to find out the grass isn’t greener!

Oh, I’m just crazy? I caused the affair? I wasn’t giving my husband what he needed so he went elsewhere? Well, let me assure you, that’s not the case! I was a good mother, worked hard and made more money than he did, cooked dinner, went to my kids functions, and “performed” my wifely duties on most days he was home from the fire department. So no, it wasn’t my fault, he was just a selfish bastard who wasn’t willing to open his heart completely and let out his demons that had a tight grip!

I remember one instance before I knew they were intimate. He had called me from work the day before. He told me he wanted to work on our marriage. He told me I was the most important thing to him and to make an appointment with the marriage counselor, he wanted to do everything he could to get our marriage back on track. The next day, he came home from work early in the morning, packed his bags to move out! I was devastated! I kept asking why and what had changed! He said, “I know you will NEVER forgive me for what I’ve done!” At the time, I thought they were just “talking”…looking back, I know now it was already sexual! He knew deep down I was a strong woman. He knew I was too good of a woman to stay with a serial cheater. He knew I would always know when and if he cheated again! So he ran….he chickened out….he didn’t want to do the hard work and face what he had done!

It’s been a decade…I’ve lost track of the women. They come and go. At first it was hard…I cringed every time I met a new “girlfriend”. Then I met one I liked….then she was gone. Then another I liked…gone! Boot camp girl….gone! The live in girlfriend who I adored…gone! The list is endless and I hated every second of watching my daughter bond with a new woman…not because of jealousy, but fear! Fear that she too would be gone!

Then came his 2nd marriage….you guessed it…gone! And just like that, my daughter was not allowed to continue a relationship with a woman she had a bond with because it made him feel uncomfortable!

Why? Because some people never change….once a cheater, always a cheater! The lies are still the same…the pattern is very familiar…almost crazy, scary familiar actually! So much so I can usually see it coming!  But sometimes you’ve just got to sit back and wait for it to happen…because it will! History has a habit of repeating itself. It may be tomorrow, it may be 4 months from now, or 5 years from now, but this I can count on! One day in the near future, you too will be…gone!

 

We Have Something in Common…Our Husbands Mistress

Every decision we make in life affects those around us as well.  The impact can be big or small, it can be life changing or life ending, or it can just simply bring two people who were once strangers together, and make them instant friends!

A couple of years after my attack, I got married to my current husband Chris! He is literally everything I needed him to be and more. I have been accused of sleeping with him and having an affair during the time my ex husband started his affair, but once again, I have proof otherwise. He is in the Navy and was deployed during this timeframe! Just another way for people to make excuses for those who nearly destroyed my life! Anyway, I met my husband Chris 3 months after I was stabbed and 2 weeks before my reconstructive surgery. It was a bad time for me as one can imagine. The furthest thing from my mind was meeting my future husband, but God has a funny way of giving you just what you need in your darkest hour! He’s 9 years younger than me and I jokingly tell him he was just supposed to be a distraction, but he just never went away! I knew he was a keeper after the reconstructive surgery, which he insisted on being there for! I woke up in recovery, my face was swollen and I looked like crap. He held my hand, looked down at me and said “You are so beautiful!”  Of course I know he was lying about my physical appearance, but I’ve since learned he fell in love with ALL of me, not just what you see on the outside!

One night shortly after we were married I was getting ready for bed and Chris was in the shower. My phone rang and I answered it. A woman asked me if I was Kenna-Joy Treadwell. Of course I paused because I was remarried. I asked who she was and what she wanted. She said “Do you know (attacker)?” I yelled at her and hung up the phone! I immediately started shaking and crying! The reaction to hearing “her” name was so intense, so raw….it felt like the attack had just happened all over again! I ran into the bathroom and was comforted by my husband immediately! The phone rang again….I swear my heart felt like it stopped! Why were they calling me? Why wouldn’t they just leave me alone and let me live my life?

This wasn’t the first phone call I had received, but it was definitely the first time the same person called twice. For a while the blocked calls came frequently. They would always involve telling me about one of my attackers violent blow ups while on the job. Whether it was her spitting on a patient or hitting a coworker, it seemed like she always went unpunished. The callers never identified themselves but would always say they knew what she was capable of. They always upset me because I felt helpless. She was still violent and there was nothing that was going to change who she was!

But this call was different. As soon as I answered the second time, I heard it in her voice….the same desperation I had heard in my own voice when I was going through my separation and divorce! Then she revealed who she was. “My husband is having an affair with (attacker) too! I just took a deep breath and said “Stay away from her…she’s dangerous!”

I sat down on my bed and what began as a conversation ended up as a friendship! She was going through the same thing I had gone through a few years before. Her husband was also a firefighter and worked with my attacker. He was her superior. Both parties involved were still married to other people when their affair started. Is this not frowned upon at all? How can people who are supposed to be working continually use their time to engage in extramarital affairs and this be alright with their employer! I guess the fact they work 24 hour shifts together creates a perfect environment for rampant cheating! Tax payers money hard at work! The fact that she was sleeping with a superior should’ve had both of them reprimanded at the very least but once again, she is above the law!

Our situations were similar in many ways. She was making the wife distraught with her negative comments. Her goal was to end the marriage. There were secret rendezvous and vacations. One rendezvous in particular, the wife was able to follow them to a hotel where she ended up being injured by a moving vehicle where her husband and his mistress were occupants. Luckily the injuries were mild, but still no repercussions.

I instantly felt a connection with her, of course. I’m not sure how long we spoke that evening, but we eventually made plans to meet in person. My first thought when I saw her was what in the hell was her husband thinking! Judy was a beautiful woman and as I sat down and talked to her I learned of her inner beauty! She is a true Christian. She spoke often of her faith during our conversation. Over the next few months we spoke frequently. One day she called to tell me my attacker was sorry for what she had done and wanted forgiveness! My first response was what in the hell are you talking about? They had spoken, her husband and his mistress were broken up. She apologized to Judy for what she had done and like any Christian, she opened her heart and forgave her.

Then, she dropped a bomb on me! Judy said, “She’s sorry for what she did to you that night too! She said she wished it never happened! You should really forgive her. She’s accepted Christ into her heart and is asking for forgiveness!”

My mouth hung open as I processed the information I had just been given! I couldn’t believe my ears. I am not a person that goes to church like I should, but I am a Christian and I believe in forgiveness with all of my heart! So why was I having such a hard time opening my mouth and saying the words “I forgive you”?

Then it came to me….to be forgiven, you must first be sorry for what you’ve done. You must be remorseful, you must be shameful for the act you carried out, you must feel empathy for your victim and you must be willing to accept the punishment for your actions! So my response was this….”If she is really sorry for what she did and wants forgiveness, tell her to go down to the Sheriffs Office and tell them exactly what she did! Tell them the truth….admit she stabbed me!” I told Judy I knew she was just after something…probably just trying to get information of some sort from her!

It was a while before I heard from Judy again. When I did, she admitted that the mistress was only using her to get information about her husband during their breakup! This woman had no boundaries she will not cross in order to get what she wants! Using Christianity as a ploy to get information because she knew the level of dedication of Judy’s faith is so low! But then again, why should I be surprised!

Judy and I remain friends bonded by a heartless mistress who tried to destroy both of our lives! She is still just as pretty as the day we met, inside and out! She has been a voice for me many times when I wasn’t around to dispute lies! She put me in touch with people to try and put a stop to the lack of justice received! I am not happy with the circumstances in which we first met, but I can’t imagine being on this journey alone without my sidekick!

The “mistress” ended up married to Judy’s husband. I often wonder which one will cheat first! I wouldn’t be surprised if it were him….you can only be fake so long before your inner ugliness shines bright, and age hasn’t been her friend either! Maybe that will be the Karma I’ve been waiting on….A little justice I call “a dose of your own medicine!”

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Definition of Evil

I don’t think evil can even begin to describe my feelings toward my attacker. I’ve spent a lot of time trying to over come the pain from this whole ordeal, but I’ve found once you seen evil, it’s hard to see past the darkness to remember what happiness feels like! You will need to get caught up so if you haven’t already read Part 1 and Part 2 you may want to do so!

I guess I should’ve known just how unstable my estranged husbands mistress was. A week before the attack, I received a phone call from her while I was in the office at a meeting. She was angry because I had reached out via phone to her husband. I wanted him to be aware of their affair as well! She of course denied the affair and said I was just a crazy, jealous wife. During the call she did everything in her power to try and break me down. Unfortunately for me, my husband had given her just the power she needed to do so! During the time the affair was going on, my husband had been sharing details about my previous two marriages. I’m sure initially it wasn’t to hurt me, but with the knowledge he provided, she did just that! It simply wasn’t enough for her to screw my husband and try to end my marriage, she wanted to break me down and leave me hopeless in the process!

During the call she spewed hatred from her mouth as easy as lava flows from a volcano! She was calculated and precise in her words. What could she say so terrible might you ask? Knowing that my first husband was killed in a car accident, she said “Your first husband is better off dead than living one more day with you!” For those who don’t know that story, it hurt me to the core! My love for my first husband ran deep! He was my high school sweetheart, a National Boxing Champion with aspirations to compete in the Olympics. His life was cut short in a tragic accident the day after Christmas while returning home from hunting with his brother. He and I had a 22 month old son and I found out 5 days after he passed away I was pregnant with our daughter! So as one might imagine, that cut me deep emotionally, just as she intended to do!

She also used our time conversing to tell me “If she were married to me, she would beat my ass everyday”, referring to my second husband! Thanks to my cheating spouse, she was made aware of the abuse I suffered at the hands of this man. Abuse of which he was aware of not by just hearsay, but by witnessing it with his own eyes! He was also abusive to my children as well. For her to empathize with any man who lays his hands on a woman and children to harm them just goes to show what kind of coldness is within her heart!

When I called my husband crying about what she had said to me on the phone, he said he had only told her those things to “explain” to her why I had been married so many times! What the hell!!! Why did he owe her an explanation of MY life! This was MY life, OUR marriage, and he had NO right to share my past with this woman! By the end of our conversation he was once again defending his mistress, doubting the validity of our conversation! Perhaps if he would’ve believed me from the beginning, I would’ve been sparred the physical wounds I suffered by her a week later!

After the injunction hearing, I was confident she would keep her distance. Well, wasn’t I the naïve one!

It didn’t take long for my husband to join in on tormenting me. He was living with his sister during our separation. One day he called me to tell me to come get money for support. I had filed for divorce shortly after the attack, but we hadn’t been to court yet. I drove over to his sisters house and there, in the driveway, was her car! I was so dumbfounded! Why in the hell would he deliberately be trying to destroy me little by little. My whole body reacted to the mere sight of the vehicle. Just knowing she was inside had me scared and on guard. I got the check and left quickly, thankful no incident occurred. That was when I realized the people I once considered my family were family no more. There was no way his sister wasn’t aware of the games he and she were playing. She had to know what was going on and was obviously enjoying it as much as the two of them. I could understand her siding with her brother, but what I couldn’t understand was her allowing this violent woman to be in the same house with her children. Not only during the day, but I found out she was also welcome to stay at night as well.

Several weeks passed and one of my friends called me. She had phoned to tell me she saw both of their vehicles up at the local Italian Restaurant! What she wasn’t aware of is that he had visitation of my daughter at the time! Every fiber of my body flew into protective mode! All I could think of was I needed to get my baby away from that woman! I knew she was unstable and I wasn’t trusting him to protect my baby! After all, he did stand by and watch the same one attack me without saying a word! I jumped into my truck and drove faster than the law allowed! God must’ve been on my side that day because I should’ve been pulled over! I walked into the restaurant and there they were, my husband and her on one side of the table and my 3 year old daughter and her 2 year old son on the other side of the table in high chairs! I couldn’t believe my eyes! I walked over, picked up my daughter, looked him right in the eyes and simply said “NOOOOOO” in the firmest voice I could muster! My baby girl reached up and said “Mommy!” As we walked out the door, he proceeded to yell profanities at me, but I just held my baby girl tight and thanked God I had her back safe and sound!

Their relationship continued for more than 9 months after my attack before we finally made it into court. Every time I left our daughter in his care, I worried about her wellbeing. All I could do was pray and wait for our day in court! At the hearing, the judge ordered no contact between my attacker and my daughter at all! He would NEVER be allowed to bring our daughter around his mistress for as long as she was a minor! I was also awarded child support and spousal support. Even though the divorce wasn’t final, I had some peace of mind knowing my daughter was safe!

Shortly after the hearing he ended their relationship. Our divorce proceedings continued and I thought I had heard the last from her. Not the case! My husband got a new girlfriend at some point. I guess she heard about it and wasn’t happy, even though she remained married. Somehow, I guess it became my fault he had moved on without her!! She picked up the phone and called me, threatening me once again! I called the Sheriff’s department and they retrieved the phone records. In spite of her blocking her number, they traced it back to her cell phone. They took the injunction violation to the States Attorneys Office and they declined to prosecute once again, saying it was JUST a “technical violation” and not worth it! I asked them if she would have to freaking kill me before they would ever file charges against her! I was over it! Once again, she remained untouchable!

Although the criminal justice system failed me, I was trying to go after her in a civil court of law, with the hope she would at the very least have to pay restitution of some sort. Let’s face it, I had been going to a therapist off and on for years to deal with what had happened, and even with insurance, it wasn’t cheap! I finally found an attorney who would file the case before the statute of limitations ran out! She asked me to keep a watch on her social media sites in case she was served without my knowledge. She didn’t want me to be caught off guard if she decided to retaliate! Daily, I would check it to make sure she was all smiles and giggles, living life without any worries. Then, I logged in to find some disturbing images on her page!

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This was the point where I realized she had no soul! She had stabbed me with a Budweiser bottle. I was called scarface by the very woman who made me that way! I knew this from several firemen I had run into since the incident. One was very blunt with me and told me that she made fun of me calling me scarface! She worked as an instructor and was nicknamed “slasher” and wore the name proudly! What kind of sane person would think this is ok? This is not the behavior of a normal person! She’s obviously deranged! Even though I knew about the nicknames, I won’t lie, it hurt reading it in black and white! Even more so because her fellow firefighters seemed to be enjoying the drama instead of being appalled at her actions!

I have so many things still hiding just beneath the surface. It was a long, hard road but I fully intend to let it all out! I plan to continue to write daily until I feel like the world knows the whole story! No, I wasn’t perfect in this situation. No pissed off, angry, vindictive woman is, but one thing is for certain….I have never been evil! Anything I did during that time was done to try and gain some sort of control of my life that was in a downward spiral! Let’s face it, the man I loved turned his back on me and his family for this woman, and I planned to make damn sure everyone knew exactly who she was, including her husband! Definitely not my finest moment, but I have no regrets. He’s happily married now and he deserves nothing less!

I’ve been quiet for far too long! I’ve been protecting the very people who did nothing to protect me in my time of need.  I’m sure I’ve ruffled some feathers over the last few days. That’s ok. I went into this knowing it would happen. Truthfully, it’s one of the reasons it’s taken me this long to let it out! I had to be strong enough to deal with the backlash! There is always those who will doubt the truth even if it’s spelled out for them clearly. Those people are called skeptics. They are the “glass half empty” kind of people! I don’t know about you, but these days, I like my glass half full!

Tomorrow’s Topic: We Have Something in Common…Our Husbands Mistress

(Oh yes….I can’t make this crap up!)

 

 

The Truth Shall Set You Free

To quote a classic man, Paul Harvey, “Now, the rest of the story!” If you are just now finding me, take a few minutes and get caught up! Part 1 can be found here!

Night turned into day as I sat in the back of the car on the way home after being discharged from the hospital. My parents sat in the front seat with their emotions swinging between hurt, scared, and just mad as hell! We were told by the cops no charges were being filed. That meant one thing to me….this monster was still out there, walking the streets, free to attack again at any time! What in the hell was I going to do now? I didn’t own a gun? I was alone with four small children. Surely my estranged husband would realize how crazy this woman was, right? He would certainly make sure he notified the authorities at the break of daylight to wrong a right! But I couldn’t be more wrong!

When we walked into the house, I was exhausted and just wanted to crawl into the safety of my bed. My mom stopped me and said before they left, I had to go and look into the mirror. I thought she had lost her mind! I was FINE!  I saw the blood! I knew it was bad. I could see the chest wounds. How much worse could it be? I decided to walk into my sons bathroom to look into the mirror, if nothing else, it would shut her up! I flipped on the light and stood up tall and stoic! As my eyes met the woman in the mirror, my heart fell! The tears welled up in my eyes and I lost my breath! One thing was for sure, my mom had been right to make me face the “new” me in the company of the two people who loved me first in this world….the same two people who loved me most! Who in the hell was this woman looking back at me? At the time I had no clue, but I intended to find out!

These were taken after receiving sutures.  They called in a Plastic Surgeon and she did her best, but I was left with horrible scars and needed further revision and surgery a few months later.

The first step was facing my children. There were tears shed. As I looked into their eyes I saw fear. How do you explain to children that evil truly exists? How do you explain to a child that not all wrongs are made right? I still struggle daily with those two very questions. I tried my best to reassure them that everything would be ok, but in reality, nothing was ever going to be the same!

I spoke to my husband via phone that day. He asked what the injuries were and I explained in detail the injuries. He apologized over and over and said he had no idea she had done that much damage or knew she had stabbed me. He said he was “drunk” and thought we had been tangled up but didn’t remember the details! I explained to him what had occurred. Not long after the initial conversation, he called me back and called me a fucking crazy bitch! He blamed me for the entire attack! He said I started it and she had been merely defending herself! Hmmm….what happened to Mr. Drunk Guy’s lack of memory! Seems like it had either miraculously returned or he was siding with his mistress and believing her every word! At that moment, I literally died inside. How could I have been so wrong? How could I have misjudged someone’s character so poorly? How could I still be in love with a man who was obviously sleeping with a woman who had tried to kill me? My heart was betraying me….I curled up in the fetal position and cried! My marriage was officially over and I knew it!

I filed an injunction for protection against my attacker. A few days later, I was served with a notice to appear in court regarding an injunction for protection hearing for both my husband and my attacker! REALLY?? They needed protection from ME??

During the time before the injunction hearings, my husband and I were not allowed to have contact with each other at all. When he filed the paperwork, he never thought about making a plan for visitation for his daughter. For over 3 weeks he went without seeing her due to the no contact order. This was a document he filed, not the other way around, yet I was the one blamed for him not seeing his daughter. This was not my fault but yet I was being portrayed as a woman scorned, keeping her child away from the child’s dad out of spite! Disgusting, simply disgusting!

The next few weeks were hard! I was a Home Health Care Nurse and had no choice but to work. If I didn’t work, I didn’t get paid. I was now a single mom so off to work I went. My patients were upset seeing my face covered in sutures! One in particular took it hard. I had been seeing her husband on a weekly basis for over a year! I had a real bond with this family. When I walked into her home, she took one look at me and said “Baby, who did that to you?” With tears in my eyes, I didn’t have to say a word! Later on after reading the article in the paper, my next home visit was met with a huge mama-like hug! She knew exactly what I needed at that moment…..to know some things were still the same!

The court day came for the injunction against my attacker and her injunction against me. I wasn’t nervous at all considering, until she purposely walked by me trying to intimidate me. I kept it together as she passed by, excused myself to the bathroom where I broke down in a full blown panic attack! I had to pull it together and face the evil in that courtroom or else I would never forgive myself! I cleaned up, took one last look in the mirror to remember why I had to be strong!  We stood on opposite sides of the court room. Two of my friends sat behind me, ready to testify on my behalf, and on her side stood her friend and of course, my husband! I don’t know why I was surprised!

Long story short, and I do mean long…what was intended to be a 5 minute hearing turned into over an hour of testimony! My attacker had her attorney present. She continually plead the fifth. She had no problem saying I attacked her, but if he asked if she hit me with a bottle like she said in her original statement to the police, she would plead the fifth. My husband was questioned. He told the judge I had initiated the fight. When the judge asked him “Who stabbed your wife?” He said he didn’t know! The judge wasn’t happy at all! Her friend testified to the same rehearsed story as the other two before her, and just like the other two, she had NO IDEA who stabbed me!  Now, during this testimony a court reporter was present. I have the entire proceeding and have read through and compared statements. Here are just some of the discrepancies. My attacker claims I initiated the attack and was sitting on top of her and choking her. Both her friend and my husband backed up her account. BUT, during the injunction testimony, her attorney wasn’t as quick to stop the line of questioning to them.

When asked to describe what happened my husband said “(attacker) was standing over the top of Kenna-Joy and they were locked up! Then people started pulling them apart.”

Her friend stated “I was holding (attacker) up by her belt so Mrs. Treadwell couldn’t pull her down! Everyone was pulling them up and we left!”

This is where common sense comes to play….if I were on top of her choking her like she stated, how did both my husband and her friend see her standing over the top of me?? Don’t you think any decent prosecutor would’ve been able to discredit all three?

By the end of the hearing, the judge told me to stay away from her for two months. I received a lifetime injunction against her. The next day in a different county, my husband injunction for protection against me was dismissed! It wasn’t much, but it was a small victory in what would become a war of a lifetime!

My story is far from over….and neither is the proof of the evil fills her soul! Here’s a sneak peak of part 3….her evil runs deep!

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And That’s The Truth

I’ve been debating for a while as to whether to write about this topic in further detail. I’ve been in a mental, emotional battle with myself as to whether I should allow myself to dive deep within myself, pull out the raw emotions, and just let them out for anyone and everyone to judge me, including the cowards hiding behind fake profiles. Then, as if I needed a sign, it was staring me in the face! A bright neon sign….blinking…beckoning me to sit down at my laptop and just have it out with my past! I figured if my past continues to bring itself into my present, then why not give it what it wants…the attention it so very much craves!

I’ve touched on this subject quite a few times in previous blogs. My friends and family know the story inside and out. They’ve seen the pictures, they’ve seen the court documents, they’ve held me through the tears, and helped me through my darkest times. But I want to reach out to those who don’t know. Or to those who THINK they know, but they really have no clue. I want to reach out the non-believers. To the ones who think I somehow deserved what happened to me. I would like those people to seriously read with an open mind, and ask yourself at the end of this blog, if I am telling the truth, how should this individual still be walking around among the free? And to those who may wonder “Well how do we know you are telling the truth?” First and foremost, use common sense. Second, I have either physical evidence or court documents to back up my story….no, not my story, my TRUTH! Just ask, I am more than willing to show it to you!

11 years ago, I was in the middle of a nasty separation. I was working as a Home Health Nurse, had four beautiful kids and was married to a Fireman. Right before Christmas, something felt off. We started marriage counseling. Within a week I knew he was having an affair. Call it a woman’s intuition or whatever you would like, but deep down in my gut, I knew he was cheating! He left a few days after Christmas. Within days, I confirmed the affair with numerous phone records, voice mail messages and several meetings between the two of them. Not surprising, she was also married. They worked together at the fire department. During the months of January and February, things were touch and go. We continued counseling, had a few family dinners and continued to have spousal relations. My husband continually denied the affair throughout this time. I received mixed signals as to where our lives were headed.

At the end of February, I had plans to go to an event with a dear friend. Although it was a police and firefighter event, when I spoke to my husband prior to accepting my friends invitation, he assured me he would not be there. That night, I went to the event, not knowing my life would change forever!

When we arrived, it didn’t take long for me to realize my husband was there. I ignored him and stayed with my friends. I spoke to a few of his friends in passing throughout the night. At the end of the event, our group went our separate ways. My friend, her boyfriend and I walked to my car. I heard my husband yell “whore” to me from behind as I entered the car. So I got out, appalled at his accusations, especially since it was he that had been unfaithful!

As we were arguing, his mistress came from behind him with her arm raised. Before I had a chance to react, I was out. I woke up on the ground with her standing over me, striking me repeatedly with an object. I tried kicking her to get her off of me, but I felt the object hit my butt so I grabbed her hair to pull her down on top of me. I remember hearing her grunt as she continually jabbed the object into my torso. I felt her being pulled off of me. I reached over to my husband who was standing to my left side. I grabbed his leg and begged for help. His response was “Get the Fuck off of me!” And just like that, he left with her. The rest is pretty much a blur. I was taken to the hospital via ambulance where I received over 75 sutures to the face and chest. I had multiple abrasions to my abdomen, but by the grace of God, I chose to wear my black leather jacket that night! I fully believe it saved my life.

No arrest was made. They informed me it was a case of he said, she said! My husband refused to tell the truth. He said I attacked her. Her story was I was on top of her, choking her, she reached over and grabbed a bottle off of the ground and started hitting me in self defense.  So here’s your chance to believe her side over mine….but let’s look at some facts before you are quick to judge.

I met with the officer on scene and he gave me her statement and explained since “I was the aggressor”, she wouldn’t be arrested. I then asked him was she covered in blood? He said no, just on her hands. This is where the common sense comes in….how could there be NO blood on her if I were on top of her when she stabbed me in self defense? Gravity would’ve covered her in my blood! Another point which you will be able to act out yourself after I post the pictures. How is it possible for her to slash me from the right upper chest down to the left lower chest with one motion if my hands were around her neck choking her? My arms would’ve been blocking the motion needed to cause those injuries. The rookie officer apologized to me after our conversation. I realize there were superior officers in charge of what took place that night and the choice to not make an arrest. I also realize with her working for the same city in which the attack occurred, I would never receive justice. I met one road block after another.

This is just the beginning of the truth….emotionally I must take a break. It’s hard reliving this painful event, but the truth deserves to be heard. Stay tuned folks….there’s a whole lot of crazy left to explore! (If you are squeamish, look away now)

This picture shows the blood pooled at my neck, proving I was on my back, not choking her

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This one caused nerve damage and has left the left side of my jaw numb.

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PTSD… Who Me?

Post-traumatic stress disorder is a psychiatric illness that often occurs after a mental or physical trauma. It can be something that you thought you dealt with, but then something triggers a reaction in yourself that can be frightening, traumatic, or just down right scary! It may present as a physical or mental issue or a combination of both.

I never thought I had PTSD. I mean, I’ve been to therapists over the past 11 years, and some have mentioned it to me, but I never REALLY thought I was suffering from PTSD. I have always somehow reserved that particular diagnosis for first responders, military members fighting in the war, people that witness the murder or assault of their friends or family etc., but never me. That was until a very intelligent friend (Thanks Sarah) mentioned it to me once again last week during a casual conversation via phone. Hmmm….I think she made me think about this possibility more than I really wanted to, but to think is to heal, so let the healing begin!

For those who don’t know, I was cheated on by my ex-husband. For those who have gone through similar experiences, you know all to well, it’s one of the hardest things to overcome. Adultery has a way of eating away your self-esteem. It takes away your confidence. It makes you doubt yourself in every way. As if that wasn’t bad enough, he chose to have an affair with a woman who attacked me physically with a beer bottle, leaving me with over 75 sutures to the face and breast. So now, I have a constant reminder of the affair staring back at me every time I look in a mirror or see a picture of myself. It never goes away. For them, they have moved on…both of them had more affairs with other people and got remarried. Thankfully, I never have to see her again, but not by his choice. He kept dating her after the attack, even bringing our child around her. But they stopped dating because a judge ordered no contact between her and my daughter who was 3 at the time! Unfortunately, once a cheater, always a cheater seems to be fitting for him. Now I just have to deal with my daughter being drug through relationship after relationship, most of which have ended due to him cheating!

So now that I’ve explained my situation a little bit, I can get back on topic! It all began a little over a week ago. My wonderful husband had a port call. This was an unexpected port call that I was not mentally prepared for. It was great, don’t get me wrong! We usually go months without hearing his voice much less seeing his adorable face on FaceTime! But last week, we were given the chance to enjoy his smile, his encouraging words, his sweetness, and just him being him! Yes, I am SO in love with this man and just hearing his voice gives me butterflies! The girls were happy to hear from him too. I think Everleigh had given up on dada coming home from work! She’s been in much better spirits since hearing his voice last week!

One would think hearing my husband would be a happy occasion. But….there it was….without any warning…that nagging feeling of fear! What is he doing? Where is he? Who is he with? Is some slutty whore talking to him? As much as I tried to push those feelings down, they were there. I was up late at night, not sleeping well at all, and just overall anxious! Why was I being all crazy when this man has never given me a reason to doubt his love for me? He’s never made me feel anything less than beautiful, so why was I so concerned with his whereabouts and what he was doing?

Then my breaking point. I sat here waiting for his call. It was late and I was tired but I wasn’t willing to miss hearing his voice before bed. I tried to text him, no response. I thought maybe he had to go back to work and couldn’t call me, so I decided to use my iPhone to track him. My head was saying “JUST to see if he is at work” but my heart was saying “just to make sure he’s not a lying, cheating bastard like a lot of men I know!” There it was….he was in a hotel!! My heart sank! I picked up the phone and dialed his number, meanwhile mentally preparing for my upcoming divorce and facing life as a single mother once again! He answered….I guess I wasn’t expecting that since he was OBVIOUSLY in the middle of a scandalous rendezvous.  I asked where he was. He of course said he was eating and having a beer at a restaurant, not the hotel that I tracked him to. I was quiet….

Husband—“What’s wrong baby?”

Me—“Nothing”

Husband–“Baby, we HAVE to come here! I’m at the restaurant in the military hotel where we could stay and it’s awesome! It’s family friendly and they have lots to do…..”

I have to admit, I zoned out after I heard him speak those words. I am so stupid! Why would I ever doubt this man! He is the most caring, loving, family-oriented man I know! He has never been just about him and I, but us as a family! He plans everything, from career to vacations, around me and OUR kids! And when I say “our”, I mean all of our kids  including those that aren’t biologically his!  He definitely deserves 100% of my trust! So after 10 minutes, I told him why I was so quiet when I first called him. He said to me, “Baby, all I ever want is you! I hate being here without you and the kids…I love you!”

The best part is knowing that he meant it with all of his heart! He told me one time when we were dating he would NEVER walk out on my kids, no matter what! He knew what it felt like and there was no way he would ever do it to a child! When he said his vows on December 10, 2006, he meant every last word. For better, for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, he is the man of my dreams….my forever…my sanity….my love…my everything!

I’m sure the PTSD will rear its ugly head from time to time, but when it does, I will always have my husband, the perfect cure, to help me through it!

I Love My Ex Husband

Wait….what???  I’m sure many of you read the title and thought to yourself, “There she goes again, sipping on wine through a short straw!”

Well, I am completely wine-less at the moment. I mean, there is wine IN my house, just not IN my body!  Now back to my disturbing title…No I’m not delusional, no I’m not drunk, and no I’m not IN love with my ex-husband, but I do love him. Allow me to explain.

1 year and 1 week after we said “I do”, I gave birth to my blue-eyed beauty! She’s full of spunk and full of light. She’s strong and compassionate. She’s funny and seriously naïve. She has the heart of and Angel. She makes me belly laugh and my cheeks ache. She’s loud, yet soft spoken. She has faith in all things good. She loves animals and they love her. Her eyes sparkle when she tells a story. She’s my heart and I love her more than peanut butter! And she is one reason I love my ex-husband. I love him because without him, there would be no her!

I love my ex for cheating on me. I am thankful it only took him 2 years into our marriage to show me his true heart. I love him for leaving me lying there on that pavement. He showed me what true selfishness looks like, and I never want to see it again. Thanks to his choices, I have daily reminders of his affair. I can’t go one day without thinking about his affair…trust me, I would love to forget it.

So instead of it being a negative, I have to find a positive way to look at it. I love him for cheating on me when I was young enough to find love again, but old enough to not repeat the same mistakes.

And Then…

Out of the darkness came light. He became my light, my strength, my rock, my love, my husband….my everything!

Chris & Kenna-Joy

12/10/06