Tag Archives: attack

When Anxiety Waits

Saturday, February 25, 2017.

What a beautiful Florida day to wake up to! The sun was shining brightly, and the temperature was perfect. We had a busy day planned. I had to go to Target with Makailyn to get my nephew a birthday present and then we could go home to get ready for the Luke Bryan Concert!  My husband had an MRI scheduled, so Everleigh was going to spend the day at the party with Granny and Bubba(Pit).  After we made sure she was taken care of, it was go time! Three girls on a mission to get all beautified for the upcoming evening! But deep down, it was there…I felt it looming, and pushed it back down as much as I could!  

We rode with my cousin and her daughter to the concert. We had to get there early because we all had PIT tickets, which meant we would be waiting in line for hours before we could enter the event!  Walking up to the familiar building, I took it in stride.  Everything seemed to be ok. My cousin had dropped us off at the corner to go find our spot in the line while she parked.  I walked around with the three girls for a few minutes and there didn’t seem to be much of a crowd, much less a line. So far, so good. We stopped by to get a drink and headed around to the side of he building where we found both the line, and my cousin. The girls went on a hunt for food and brought back fries without ketchup from one of the food trucks out front!! Who eats French fries without at LEAST ketchup! So my cousin and I left them to hold our spot in line and find me some ketchup! 

When we came to the front of the building, walking towards the food truck, it hit me…the heavy weight in my chest.  I tried to take a deep breath, but that damn elephant was too heavy to get in a full, deep, oxygenated breath. I tried again. No luck. I scanned the crowd for any familiar faces and the elephant sat up a little…just enough to get some clarity. I GOT TO GET AWAY FROM THE FRONT! My cousin was waiting to use the restroom so I calmly, or maybe not so calmly, excused myself back to the line with the girls. By he time I got back, I was hot, flushed, that damn elephant was getting heavier and my hands were slightly tremoring. I sat down and slowed my breathing down and tried to talk myself out of every reason I was having anxiety!  

  • You are perfectly safe here
  • No one can hurt you
  • Your cousin has your back
  • No one will hurt you around your children
  • It’s been 12 years, get over it
  • You are over reacting
  • You have nothing to fear
  • No one is watching you
  • No one can see the fear
  • BE FEARLESS. BECOME FEARLESS. ENJOY YOURSELF. ENJOY YOUR FAMILY.

Well it seemed it to work for the time being. The girls were laughing and taking endless selfies!  They are the cutest!  This was definitely going to be a night to remember and I did NOT want to waste it on any stupid anxiety filling my head with bullshit that doesn’t belong!

Smiles for miles! 


  After a couple of hours, we were able to enter the coliseum for the concert.  The elephant had seemed to be gone and we were well on our way for a night full of fun and music! We were able to secure a spot right up front against the railing of the PIT, which meant only one thing…we were stuck there in those spots until the concert began!  Meadow decided she wasn’t going to drink any water so she wouldn’t have to take a bathroom break and miss anything! I eventually was able to sneak off before the concert for drinks, after making sure to make friends with those around us and knowing they would take care of my girls. 


Once Brett Young came out, the girls were in awe! They were screaming and dancing their hearts out!  As a mom, nothing is sweeter than watching your children with pure joy in their eyes!! He stopped several times in front of us and shook our hands, and one time he grabbed Meadow’s phone and took a video of him singing with us in the background! He made them fangirls for life!! ​


Brett Eldridge was next. Another great performance. They danced and sang, having a blast. Once again, we had a chance to shake hands with him and get lots of pictures and videos!   Being up close and personal was well worth the time and money spent to make it happen for my girls! 


After Brett Eldridge, the crowd in the PIT got a little thicker anticipating the arrival of Luke Bryan. My cousin and her daughter finally made there way back from the acoustic performance, and we were waiting for him to take the stage. While waiting, I started feeling a little nudge of anxiety creep in. I tried to feign it off to the best of my ability.  My eyes started scanning the crowd. I had this overwhelming feeling of being watched.  You know that feeling…the one where you feel it in your gut….eyes staring at you, but you just can’t seem to find the direction in which they are coming from! The “elephant” started getting heavier on my chest. There was a family down at the end of the gate who started shoving into us. It wasn’t long until Meadow and I were feeling squished, along with the two young girls beside us. The elephant got heavier.  I asked Security to please ask them to stop pushing. Nothing was done.

Right before Luke took the stage, Meadow looks at me and says, I’m going to be sick! I looked around at the crowd behind us knowing full well we wouldn’t get through before she was sick. I pointed to the rail and said, just go there! The security officer did NOT look pleased, but I guess he should’ve addressed that family insisting on pushing into the rest of us! Then, she says, “Mom, everything is black!”   Before I could react, she was sliding down to the floor in front of me. She had passed out!  My cousin and I tried helping her up and she jumped up screaming, “I’m fine, I’m fine….I’m NOT leaving!” After two bottles of water, holding her hair up and fanning her, she was back to screaming and dancing!  All was well once again!  

Luke did not disappoint! We had a great time listening to him sing and watching him dance only he way he can do to rile the crowd of screaming girls up!  

But that sinking feeling was there…in the pit of my stomach. I just couldn’t shake it!  Half way through his performance, I had enough. I asked my cousin to leave with me! We went and got the girls some water and sat behind the PIT area and finished listening to the concert. I told her I just couldn’t stop looking through the crowd. My anxiety was through the roof and I just really wanted to get home to my husband and baby girl, safe and sound! 

(This is the image I received after I told him I wanted to come home!😍😍)

We left the concert and made it safely back to the vehicle! Slowly, the elephant, who had been a nuisance all evening, left just as quickly as he came! Left behind was a pounding headache and a painful left ear, which turned out to be an ear infection! 😂😂

The next morning, two things happened. I received a messaged letting me know my ex was at the concert sitting right across from the PIT where we were. Well, I guess I’m not so crazy after all.  The feeling I had was indeed on point! Thanks to my intuition, I really knew before she even told me…I just could pinpoint The Who and where! 

The second thing….my ex texted his daughter to tell her he saw her at the concert, but he didn’t have his cell phone on him to text her the night before! WHAT?? First of all, who in the hell leaves their cell phone at home or in the car at a concert in 2017?  Secondly, you were with your new wife/old mistress, so seriously, try to sell that bullshit Story to someone a little more naive!  I’ve raised a smart girl,  it some little dumbass who will willingly believe you and all of your lies! 

Here’s the part that is the most irritating to me! Since the first week of July….a week after we moved back from Washington, you have not physically laid eyes on our beautiful daughter. She has spent the last 8 months growing up, maturing, changing, blossoming, getting taller, and becoming a young lady.  And you’ve missed it all. By choice!  You’ve missed her first day of High School.  Her first High School football game she cheered at. Her first High School cheer competition, and her first National Cheer Competition.  You missed Thanksgiving and Christmas. You didn’t even call.  And to top it all off, you stood before God, your family & friends, her family & friends, and vowed to love a woman for the rest of your days….as long as you both shall live….WITHOUT our daughter by your side! You prayed for your marriage to be blessed by God. But you….you can’t even have and keep a relationship with your ONLY child? Tell me, how much faith do you think those of us who truly know you, have on your “new” marriage? A marriage that is the result of two people committing adultery on their spouses! A marriage that began leaving out a VERY important part of one of the two of you? 

For two days, you’ve called. You want a relationship now. After 8 long months. After us watching her notice you ignoring her, you finally decide its time to play dad! And why? Because your new wife says so!  She’s noticing you being upset! So now that it’s affecting her, she wants you to contact your daughter!  How convenient. 

Here’s my thoughts on it.  We HAD to move in January 2014 due to my husbands Navy career.  We had NO choice!  We begged you to come and see your daughter! We begged you to participate in her life.  We opened up our home and even offered you a place to stay, just so you could share in her life while we were stationed away from Florida. Instead, we heard all of the excuses you had. 

  • I can’t take time off of work
  • I can’t afford it
  • It’s too far to fly

So we did our best and moved back as soon as we could. We bought land to build a house to insure we were 2 miles away from your house, to make it easier on YOU so you could be closer to your daughter. Now since we’ve been back, we’ve discovered there never was an issue with all the excuses you once gave.  They were all lies.  Let’s take a moment to point out the truth of what’s happened in the last 8 months. 

  • You’ve taken off work for multiple vacations, including a honeymoon 
  • You bought a new house 675,000 (seems kind of expensive to be broke)
  • You took a plane to visit your brother in Oregon. You know, that state RIGHT below WASHINGTON where your daughter resided for 2.5 years!
  • You moved 1 hour 20 minutes away from your daughter…and didn’t bother telling her for 4 months!
  • You got married–without your daughter present–a big, nice wedding
  • You missed all holidays and special events for 8 months….no call, no text. Oh, there was a text here and there…like when we had to evacuate for the hurricane, but not Christmas!

I could keep going but I’ve blogged and blogged about this and it just seriously breaks my heart.  The worst part…he’s made my daughter harden her heart to protect it from being hurt. She came to me after the first call on Sunday and said she thought something was wrong with her. When I asked why she said, “Well, he was crying on the phone and I was looking at myself in the mirror and wondering why I had no emotion about it!” 

And THAT is truly the most heartbreaking part of a dad that chooses to walk away.  She will forever have a wall around her heart, waiting for the ones she loves to walk away!  😢

The Wife Who Knew Too Much

I recently went to my attorneys office and got back all of the evidence and paperwork related to my attack in 2005.  There are police reports, pictures, blood-stained clothes,  and an endless pile of paperwork, including depositions and statements given throughout the years.  One night, about 2 weeks after I picked it up, I was up suffering from insomnia and there it sat….in the corner, staring at me, begging me to begin the long journey into that dreadful night.  I knew it wasn’t going to be pleasant. I knew it was going to end with me being angry, hurt, and feeling betrayed all over again, but I KNEW I had to look through it and get it over with. 

This will be one of a few blogs dealing with what I found in those files that night. But this blog in particular, I’m going to focus on one thing and one thing only….the “witnesses” to the attack. Now, I will be politically correct and save myself the hassle of being threatened with legal action of libel and slander, and I will leave out names, however, they are all public record if you really want to know that bad. It’s not really important for the story though.  The only importance is their role in the non-prosecution of my attacker.  

So, we have my two friends who witnessed her attack me, but didn’t actually see the bottle, because one of her male friends grabbed my male friend, which was also my friends boyfriend, when he tried to stop the attack. Therefore neither of my witnesses actually saw the bottle, only the altercation, and the result of the altercation. This allowed the States Attorney to fall back on a technicality, and not prosecute her.  No, they didn’t see  the bottle, but they saw her on top of me and what I looked like after she was pulled off of me! Then you have my estranged husband. (Now ex husband) He claims initially that I started the altercation, but never saw the bottle, but doesn’t know who touched me or who cut up my face! (Per his statement under oath to a judge)  He also stated under oath, she was on top of me! 

Then we have a female witness, a friend of hers. She states under oath to a judge states “I was holding my friend up by her belt so Kenna-Joy couldn’t pull her down on top of her (didn’t I say all along I was on the ground??)  but when he judge asked her under oath, she also didn’t see he bottle or who cut my face or my chest!  

Next we have a male witness, also a friend of my estranged husband at the time. A single man whom I knew well.  There is no statement from him in the police report, but there is a statement later during an apparent formal interview that I nor my witnesses were NEVER advised of!   This was dated April 3, 2005…. really….over a month AFTER the incident! These statements were taken after the injunction for protection had been issued as well!!  So after over a month, the injunction was already issued and my witnesses had given their statements, the officers gather her witnesses, all of which arrived with her to the event, and question them.  Of course her female witness states I was very intoxicated  and she herself was afraid of me and not my attacker! (My attacker was her friend!)  The single male friend, also a fire fighter,  says I was the clear aggressor and the defendant would NOT have attack had I not approached her! (Hmm..wonder why he didn’t give a statement saying those words the night of the attack? Sounds to me like he was persuaded!)

Now, the final witness I would like to address, is the married fireman.  The good ole buddy of my estranged husband.  You see, this man basically fell off the face of the earth when this went down! I called him to ask him why he didn’t give a statement to the police and he said he didn’t know she was stabbing me or he would’ve beat the shit out of her!  See, he was the guy who pushed my male friend down, my friend who tried to help me!  Neither the married fireman nor the single fireman showed up in court to testify in behalf of my attacker or my estranged husband during their injunction hearings. But both gave a statement in some secret meeting I knew nothing about! Why would this married man be SO worried about me finding out about his statement to the police? Why would he not give the same statement in court to help both my attacker and husband in court if it was the truth?  

Two reasons!  First, during this investigation, all parties were called down to a meeting with their superiors.  It seems the fire department was conducting its own investigation…off the record, of course! The married male fireman is married to someone with family higher up in the fire department hierarchy.  This whole situation most likely didn’t sit too well with the family.  Secondly , the estranged wife, me, knew too much! I’m quite sure he was extremely nervous about pissing me off, especially when it came to marital affairs!  It seems he wasn’t so careful when he was intoxicated one night when he was out with us and his wife was in Disney with their daughter! I’m sure he didn’t want me to let it slip to his wife about the new teacher friend from Callahan he met that night in the bar! I’m sure it wouldn’t have gone over very well! But that was years ago, so we should all be over it by now, right? I’m sure he wouldn’t care if she put  2 + 2 together, right?  

Needless to say, there were a lot of uncovered secrets in those files, and I’ve just barely scratched the surface! 

My Ex Got Married…Again!

My ex-husband got married today. It’s his 3rd wife.  I suppose I should feel some sort of way, but I just don’t.  At this point it’s almost comical.  And before my critics go on their rant blasting me to God and everyone, YES, I’ve been married four times, BUT I am a widow, a domestic violence survivor, and was lucky enough to make it out of my 3rd marriage from above mentioned adulterous husband with MOST of my self esteem intact!  Thank God for my amazing fourth husband of almost 10 years who continues to lick my battle wounds of relationships past!  So go on critics….speak your lies….try to make yourselves relevant…who gives a crap, my blog is not intended for you anyway! 

So, where was I?  The ex….yea, so he got married….again! (YAWN) If I was a betting woman, I would say this won’t be the last! He will be bored in 2 years and those blue eyes will wander….just a matter of time.  

I gotta give this one props though.  You see, back when we were married, his mistress was SO important to him. He left his family for her.  Almost failed his Engineer test because of her.  He put his job on the line by lying for the stupid bitch. But when push came to shove, the injunction I held against her for stabbing me allowed me also to have our divorce papers include no contact between his mistress and our daughter….EVER!  Well, apparently, mistress number one wasn’t nearly as important to him as she thought she was.  That was the end of their relationship.  I was told he would NEVER give up his child for a woman! 

Fast forward 11 years later.  Mistress number two, who today became wife number 3, must’ve been WAY better than mistress number 1!  The same man who couldn’t imagine giving up his daughter for a woman has now turned his back on his only child! And why? Because parenting is hard.  Because his daughter is holding him accountable for his actions.  Because his daughter threatened the relationship apparently more important than his own flesh and blood! And what was this threat?? The threat of the truth!  He didn’t want his future wife to know the truth. The truth about his past that could change the way she saw him and their relationship. 

Prior to our marriage, my ex told me his father said to him, make sure this is what you want…marriage is a one time thing!!  His father is a man of God….a Deacon in the church. But yet this man has stood up two more times before God and other witnesses and allowed his son to stand before God and his peers and lie! He has stood by and allowed him to speak vows of untruth, and continues to support him time and time again.  And for 6 weeks prior to the wedding today, not one word from the paternal grandparents. My daughter has been cut off from the entire family.  She has been outcast because she had the nerve to speak the truth and hold her father accountable for his actions.  These people that stand before God every week in church and proclaim to be holy! The Devil was once an Angel. Christianity should begin at home.  If you don’t practice true Christianity within your own family, how can you preach it to others within the church walls?? 

So, while I have no emotions regarding the marriage, I do have emotions regarding my daughter.  I can’t change who her family is, I can only help her cope with what she was given.  She is angry, and YES SHE HAS ISSUES THANKS TO THAT FAMILY, but I will do everything in my power to let her know it’s not her fault! It’s his loss, she’s a great kid! She’s extremely bright, sassy, smart-mouthed, hard-headed, stubborn, and relentless…and yes, she gets ALL of that from ME!! BUT, that coldness that she uses to cut those she pissed at, yea, she gets THAT from the paternal side…enjoy it!

And That’s The Truth

I’ve been debating for a while as to whether to write about this topic in further detail. I’ve been in a mental, emotional battle with myself as to whether I should allow myself to dive deep within myself, pull out the raw emotions, and just let them out for anyone and everyone to judge me, including the cowards hiding behind fake profiles. Then, as if I needed a sign, it was staring me in the face! A bright neon sign….blinking…beckoning me to sit down at my laptop and just have it out with my past! I figured if my past continues to bring itself into my present, then why not give it what it wants…the attention it so very much craves!

I’ve touched on this subject quite a few times in previous blogs. My friends and family know the story inside and out. They’ve seen the pictures, they’ve seen the court documents, they’ve held me through the tears, and helped me through my darkest times. But I want to reach out to those who don’t know. Or to those who THINK they know, but they really have no clue. I want to reach out the non-believers. To the ones who think I somehow deserved what happened to me. I would like those people to seriously read with an open mind, and ask yourself at the end of this blog, if I am telling the truth, how should this individual still be walking around among the free? And to those who may wonder “Well how do we know you are telling the truth?” First and foremost, use common sense. Second, I have either physical evidence or court documents to back up my story….no, not my story, my TRUTH! Just ask, I am more than willing to show it to you!

11 years ago, I was in the middle of a nasty separation. I was working as a Home Health Nurse, had four beautiful kids and was married to a Fireman. Right before Christmas, something felt off. We started marriage counseling. Within a week I knew he was having an affair. Call it a woman’s intuition or whatever you would like, but deep down in my gut, I knew he was cheating! He left a few days after Christmas. Within days, I confirmed the affair with numerous phone records, voice mail messages and several meetings between the two of them. Not surprising, she was also married. They worked together at the fire department. During the months of January and February, things were touch and go. We continued counseling, had a few family dinners and continued to have spousal relations. My husband continually denied the affair throughout this time. I received mixed signals as to where our lives were headed.

At the end of February, I had plans to go to an event with a dear friend. Although it was a police and firefighter event, when I spoke to my husband prior to accepting my friends invitation, he assured me he would not be there. That night, I went to the event, not knowing my life would change forever!

When we arrived, it didn’t take long for me to realize my husband was there. I ignored him and stayed with my friends. I spoke to a few of his friends in passing throughout the night. At the end of the event, our group went our separate ways. My friend, her boyfriend and I walked to my car. I heard my husband yell “whore” to me from behind as I entered the car. So I got out, appalled at his accusations, especially since it was he that had been unfaithful!

As we were arguing, his mistress came from behind him with her arm raised. Before I had a chance to react, I was out. I woke up on the ground with her standing over me, striking me repeatedly with an object. I tried kicking her to get her off of me, but I felt the object hit my butt so I grabbed her hair to pull her down on top of me. I remember hearing her grunt as she continually jabbed the object into my torso. I felt her being pulled off of me. I reached over to my husband who was standing to my left side. I grabbed his leg and begged for help. His response was “Get the Fuck off of me!” And just like that, he left with her. The rest is pretty much a blur. I was taken to the hospital via ambulance where I received over 75 sutures to the face and chest. I had multiple abrasions to my abdomen, but by the grace of God, I chose to wear my black leather jacket that night! I fully believe it saved my life.

No arrest was made. They informed me it was a case of he said, she said! My husband refused to tell the truth. He said I attacked her. Her story was I was on top of her, choking her, she reached over and grabbed a bottle off of the ground and started hitting me in self defense.  So here’s your chance to believe her side over mine….but let’s look at some facts before you are quick to judge.

I met with the officer on scene and he gave me her statement and explained since “I was the aggressor”, she wouldn’t be arrested. I then asked him was she covered in blood? He said no, just on her hands. This is where the common sense comes in….how could there be NO blood on her if I were on top of her when she stabbed me in self defense? Gravity would’ve covered her in my blood! Another point which you will be able to act out yourself after I post the pictures. How is it possible for her to slash me from the right upper chest down to the left lower chest with one motion if my hands were around her neck choking her? My arms would’ve been blocking the motion needed to cause those injuries. The rookie officer apologized to me after our conversation. I realize there were superior officers in charge of what took place that night and the choice to not make an arrest. I also realize with her working for the same city in which the attack occurred, I would never receive justice. I met one road block after another.

This is just the beginning of the truth….emotionally I must take a break. It’s hard reliving this painful event, but the truth deserves to be heard. Stay tuned folks….there’s a whole lot of crazy left to explore! (If you are squeamish, look away now)

This picture shows the blood pooled at my neck, proving I was on my back, not choking her

2-26-05 011

This one caused nerve damage and has left the left side of my jaw numb.

2-26-05 003

 

2-26-05 0062-26-05 010