Tag Archives: adultery

When Anxiety Waits

Saturday, February 25, 2017.

What a beautiful Florida day to wake up to! The sun was shining brightly, and the temperature was perfect. We had a busy day planned. I had to go to Target with Makailyn to get my nephew a birthday present and then we could go home to get ready for the Luke Bryan Concert!  My husband had an MRI scheduled, so Everleigh was going to spend the day at the party with Granny and Bubba(Pit).  After we made sure she was taken care of, it was go time! Three girls on a mission to get all beautified for the upcoming evening! But deep down, it was there…I felt it looming, and pushed it back down as much as I could!  

We rode with my cousin and her daughter to the concert. We had to get there early because we all had PIT tickets, which meant we would be waiting in line for hours before we could enter the event!  Walking up to the familiar building, I took it in stride.  Everything seemed to be ok. My cousin had dropped us off at the corner to go find our spot in the line while she parked.  I walked around with the three girls for a few minutes and there didn’t seem to be much of a crowd, much less a line. So far, so good. We stopped by to get a drink and headed around to the side of he building where we found both the line, and my cousin. The girls went on a hunt for food and brought back fries without ketchup from one of the food trucks out front!! Who eats French fries without at LEAST ketchup! So my cousin and I left them to hold our spot in line and find me some ketchup! 

When we came to the front of the building, walking towards the food truck, it hit me…the heavy weight in my chest.  I tried to take a deep breath, but that damn elephant was too heavy to get in a full, deep, oxygenated breath. I tried again. No luck. I scanned the crowd for any familiar faces and the elephant sat up a little…just enough to get some clarity. I GOT TO GET AWAY FROM THE FRONT! My cousin was waiting to use the restroom so I calmly, or maybe not so calmly, excused myself back to the line with the girls. By he time I got back, I was hot, flushed, that damn elephant was getting heavier and my hands were slightly tremoring. I sat down and slowed my breathing down and tried to talk myself out of every reason I was having anxiety!  

  • You are perfectly safe here
  • No one can hurt you
  • Your cousin has your back
  • No one will hurt you around your children
  • It’s been 12 years, get over it
  • You are over reacting
  • You have nothing to fear
  • No one is watching you
  • No one can see the fear
  • BE FEARLESS. BECOME FEARLESS. ENJOY YOURSELF. ENJOY YOUR FAMILY.

Well it seemed it to work for the time being. The girls were laughing and taking endless selfies!  They are the cutest!  This was definitely going to be a night to remember and I did NOT want to waste it on any stupid anxiety filling my head with bullshit that doesn’t belong!

Smiles for miles! 


  After a couple of hours, we were able to enter the coliseum for the concert.  The elephant had seemed to be gone and we were well on our way for a night full of fun and music! We were able to secure a spot right up front against the railing of the PIT, which meant only one thing…we were stuck there in those spots until the concert began!  Meadow decided she wasn’t going to drink any water so she wouldn’t have to take a bathroom break and miss anything! I eventually was able to sneak off before the concert for drinks, after making sure to make friends with those around us and knowing they would take care of my girls. 


Once Brett Young came out, the girls were in awe! They were screaming and dancing their hearts out!  As a mom, nothing is sweeter than watching your children with pure joy in their eyes!! He stopped several times in front of us and shook our hands, and one time he grabbed Meadow’s phone and took a video of him singing with us in the background! He made them fangirls for life!! ​


Brett Eldridge was next. Another great performance. They danced and sang, having a blast. Once again, we had a chance to shake hands with him and get lots of pictures and videos!   Being up close and personal was well worth the time and money spent to make it happen for my girls! 


After Brett Eldridge, the crowd in the PIT got a little thicker anticipating the arrival of Luke Bryan. My cousin and her daughter finally made there way back from the acoustic performance, and we were waiting for him to take the stage. While waiting, I started feeling a little nudge of anxiety creep in. I tried to feign it off to the best of my ability.  My eyes started scanning the crowd. I had this overwhelming feeling of being watched.  You know that feeling…the one where you feel it in your gut….eyes staring at you, but you just can’t seem to find the direction in which they are coming from! The “elephant” started getting heavier on my chest. There was a family down at the end of the gate who started shoving into us. It wasn’t long until Meadow and I were feeling squished, along with the two young girls beside us. The elephant got heavier.  I asked Security to please ask them to stop pushing. Nothing was done.

Right before Luke took the stage, Meadow looks at me and says, I’m going to be sick! I looked around at the crowd behind us knowing full well we wouldn’t get through before she was sick. I pointed to the rail and said, just go there! The security officer did NOT look pleased, but I guess he should’ve addressed that family insisting on pushing into the rest of us! Then, she says, “Mom, everything is black!”   Before I could react, she was sliding down to the floor in front of me. She had passed out!  My cousin and I tried helping her up and she jumped up screaming, “I’m fine, I’m fine….I’m NOT leaving!” After two bottles of water, holding her hair up and fanning her, she was back to screaming and dancing!  All was well once again!  

Luke did not disappoint! We had a great time listening to him sing and watching him dance only he way he can do to rile the crowd of screaming girls up!  

But that sinking feeling was there…in the pit of my stomach. I just couldn’t shake it!  Half way through his performance, I had enough. I asked my cousin to leave with me! We went and got the girls some water and sat behind the PIT area and finished listening to the concert. I told her I just couldn’t stop looking through the crowd. My anxiety was through the roof and I just really wanted to get home to my husband and baby girl, safe and sound! 

(This is the image I received after I told him I wanted to come home!😍😍)

We left the concert and made it safely back to the vehicle! Slowly, the elephant, who had been a nuisance all evening, left just as quickly as he came! Left behind was a pounding headache and a painful left ear, which turned out to be an ear infection! 😂😂

The next morning, two things happened. I received a messaged letting me know my ex was at the concert sitting right across from the PIT where we were. Well, I guess I’m not so crazy after all.  The feeling I had was indeed on point! Thanks to my intuition, I really knew before she even told me…I just could pinpoint The Who and where! 

The second thing….my ex texted his daughter to tell her he saw her at the concert, but he didn’t have his cell phone on him to text her the night before! WHAT?? First of all, who in the hell leaves their cell phone at home or in the car at a concert in 2017?  Secondly, you were with your new wife/old mistress, so seriously, try to sell that bullshit Story to someone a little more naive!  I’ve raised a smart girl,  it some little dumbass who will willingly believe you and all of your lies! 

Here’s the part that is the most irritating to me! Since the first week of July….a week after we moved back from Washington, you have not physically laid eyes on our beautiful daughter. She has spent the last 8 months growing up, maturing, changing, blossoming, getting taller, and becoming a young lady.  And you’ve missed it all. By choice!  You’ve missed her first day of High School.  Her first High School football game she cheered at. Her first High School cheer competition, and her first National Cheer Competition.  You missed Thanksgiving and Christmas. You didn’t even call.  And to top it all off, you stood before God, your family & friends, her family & friends, and vowed to love a woman for the rest of your days….as long as you both shall live….WITHOUT our daughter by your side! You prayed for your marriage to be blessed by God. But you….you can’t even have and keep a relationship with your ONLY child? Tell me, how much faith do you think those of us who truly know you, have on your “new” marriage? A marriage that is the result of two people committing adultery on their spouses! A marriage that began leaving out a VERY important part of one of the two of you? 

For two days, you’ve called. You want a relationship now. After 8 long months. After us watching her notice you ignoring her, you finally decide its time to play dad! And why? Because your new wife says so!  She’s noticing you being upset! So now that it’s affecting her, she wants you to contact your daughter!  How convenient. 

Here’s my thoughts on it.  We HAD to move in January 2014 due to my husbands Navy career.  We had NO choice!  We begged you to come and see your daughter! We begged you to participate in her life.  We opened up our home and even offered you a place to stay, just so you could share in her life while we were stationed away from Florida. Instead, we heard all of the excuses you had. 

  • I can’t take time off of work
  • I can’t afford it
  • It’s too far to fly

So we did our best and moved back as soon as we could. We bought land to build a house to insure we were 2 miles away from your house, to make it easier on YOU so you could be closer to your daughter. Now since we’ve been back, we’ve discovered there never was an issue with all the excuses you once gave.  They were all lies.  Let’s take a moment to point out the truth of what’s happened in the last 8 months. 

  • You’ve taken off work for multiple vacations, including a honeymoon 
  • You bought a new house 675,000 (seems kind of expensive to be broke)
  • You took a plane to visit your brother in Oregon. You know, that state RIGHT below WASHINGTON where your daughter resided for 2.5 years!
  • You moved 1 hour 20 minutes away from your daughter…and didn’t bother telling her for 4 months!
  • You got married–without your daughter present–a big, nice wedding
  • You missed all holidays and special events for 8 months….no call, no text. Oh, there was a text here and there…like when we had to evacuate for the hurricane, but not Christmas!

I could keep going but I’ve blogged and blogged about this and it just seriously breaks my heart.  The worst part…he’s made my daughter harden her heart to protect it from being hurt. She came to me after the first call on Sunday and said she thought something was wrong with her. When I asked why she said, “Well, he was crying on the phone and I was looking at myself in the mirror and wondering why I had no emotion about it!” 

And THAT is truly the most heartbreaking part of a dad that chooses to walk away.  She will forever have a wall around her heart, waiting for the ones she loves to walk away!  😢

I See You

I see you. I know who you are. You can be so easily read. Like a well planned novel, written like so many others, time and time again. The plot is the same.  The characters are eerily similar, although the names are different. The steps you take, the lies you tell, the mistakes you make…it’s all been done before. But this time, the ending will be different.  You see, whenever you write the book, you can change the ending.  I’m choosing to change this one.  I am choosing to lessen your role in my story. To make you less relevant.  To leave you twisted up in your miserable web of lies. A web SO intricate, google maps couldn’t direct you out!  Keep spewing your lies. Keep telling others of you and your husbands innocence.  I will sit here with the truth in my heart, my true love by my side, and the proof in black and white, spoken in your own words for all to discover.  For if I see you, then the world will surely see the real you as well! Evil can only hide in the darkness for so long before it finds its way into the light. 
The End.

The Wife Who Knew Too Much

I recently went to my attorneys office and got back all of the evidence and paperwork related to my attack in 2005.  There are police reports, pictures, blood-stained clothes,  and an endless pile of paperwork, including depositions and statements given throughout the years.  One night, about 2 weeks after I picked it up, I was up suffering from insomnia and there it sat….in the corner, staring at me, begging me to begin the long journey into that dreadful night.  I knew it wasn’t going to be pleasant. I knew it was going to end with me being angry, hurt, and feeling betrayed all over again, but I KNEW I had to look through it and get it over with. 

This will be one of a few blogs dealing with what I found in those files that night. But this blog in particular, I’m going to focus on one thing and one thing only….the “witnesses” to the attack. Now, I will be politically correct and save myself the hassle of being threatened with legal action of libel and slander, and I will leave out names, however, they are all public record if you really want to know that bad. It’s not really important for the story though.  The only importance is their role in the non-prosecution of my attacker.  

So, we have my two friends who witnessed her attack me, but didn’t actually see the bottle, because one of her male friends grabbed my male friend, which was also my friends boyfriend, when he tried to stop the attack. Therefore neither of my witnesses actually saw the bottle, only the altercation, and the result of the altercation. This allowed the States Attorney to fall back on a technicality, and not prosecute her.  No, they didn’t see  the bottle, but they saw her on top of me and what I looked like after she was pulled off of me! Then you have my estranged husband. (Now ex husband) He claims initially that I started the altercation, but never saw the bottle, but doesn’t know who touched me or who cut up my face! (Per his statement under oath to a judge)  He also stated under oath, she was on top of me! 

Then we have a female witness, a friend of hers. She states under oath to a judge states “I was holding my friend up by her belt so Kenna-Joy couldn’t pull her down on top of her (didn’t I say all along I was on the ground??)  but when he judge asked her under oath, she also didn’t see he bottle or who cut my face or my chest!  

Next we have a male witness, also a friend of my estranged husband at the time. A single man whom I knew well.  There is no statement from him in the police report, but there is a statement later during an apparent formal interview that I nor my witnesses were NEVER advised of!   This was dated April 3, 2005…. really….over a month AFTER the incident! These statements were taken after the injunction for protection had been issued as well!!  So after over a month, the injunction was already issued and my witnesses had given their statements, the officers gather her witnesses, all of which arrived with her to the event, and question them.  Of course her female witness states I was very intoxicated  and she herself was afraid of me and not my attacker! (My attacker was her friend!)  The single male friend, also a fire fighter,  says I was the clear aggressor and the defendant would NOT have attack had I not approached her! (Hmm..wonder why he didn’t give a statement saying those words the night of the attack? Sounds to me like he was persuaded!)

Now, the final witness I would like to address, is the married fireman.  The good ole buddy of my estranged husband.  You see, this man basically fell off the face of the earth when this went down! I called him to ask him why he didn’t give a statement to the police and he said he didn’t know she was stabbing me or he would’ve beat the shit out of her!  See, he was the guy who pushed my male friend down, my friend who tried to help me!  Neither the married fireman nor the single fireman showed up in court to testify in behalf of my attacker or my estranged husband during their injunction hearings. But both gave a statement in some secret meeting I knew nothing about! Why would this married man be SO worried about me finding out about his statement to the police? Why would he not give the same statement in court to help both my attacker and husband in court if it was the truth?  

Two reasons!  First, during this investigation, all parties were called down to a meeting with their superiors.  It seems the fire department was conducting its own investigation…off the record, of course! The married male fireman is married to someone with family higher up in the fire department hierarchy.  This whole situation most likely didn’t sit too well with the family.  Secondly , the estranged wife, me, knew too much! I’m quite sure he was extremely nervous about pissing me off, especially when it came to marital affairs!  It seems he wasn’t so careful when he was intoxicated one night when he was out with us and his wife was in Disney with their daughter! I’m sure he didn’t want me to let it slip to his wife about the new teacher friend from Callahan he met that night in the bar! I’m sure it wouldn’t have gone over very well! But that was years ago, so we should all be over it by now, right? I’m sure he wouldn’t care if she put  2 + 2 together, right?  

Needless to say, there were a lot of uncovered secrets in those files, and I’ve just barely scratched the surface! 

Little Girl Lost, Or Not

Out of all the things that I’ve done in my life, being a mother is and always will be by far the most important thing I’ve ever done!  Even as a child, I knew I wanted to be a mother.  My dream career choice would change, but being a mother was always top on my list.  I was the youngest of three children, and the only girl, so I would spend hours playing with my babies or Barbies by myself.  I even taught myself how to French Braid hair using my fake babies! I was destined to be a mother! And at 19 years old, I did just that! I gave birth to the first of five beautiful gifts God blessed me with. One boy, then four girls. I am extremely happy with my children, and I have never for one minute been unhappy with my choice of having any of them. My choices of their fathers, on the other hand, I should’ve been more picky…for their sakes! 

While growing up, I met numerous girls that had “boy issues”. Everyone knows “that girl”…the girl who seeks attention from boys, the one who flirts excessively, the one with “daddy issues”, and the one that would jump from guy to guy just looking for someone to love her.  Be honest….you know her….you still know her…or you are her…either way, you know who I’m talking about! From an early age, I always felt sympathy for “her”.  At the time, I didn’t have anything in common with her.  My parents weren’t divorced.  My mom and dad are still happily married to this day and celebrated their 47th wedding Anniversary this past June. Maybe it is my strong mothering instinct, but I always felt bad for “that girl” and would look past her actions and see what was in her heart. If she was a good person, that’s all that mattered to me. I could careless what everyone else thought of her sexual behavior, I knew it was from something deeper, something emotional and had nothing to do with her being a bad person. 

When I had my children, I wanted to provide a stable household for them to grow up in. I didn’t want to have children who had emotional issues that would cause them to act out and be judged harshly by society.  I had a great example of how a man should love a woman. My father was a faithful man. He NEVER strayed during their marriage. In fact, my mothers biggest competition was his weakness for playing softball and coaching! I spent many nights in the bleachers watching the boys play underneath the glare of the field lights. So it’s no shock that my first love was an athlete! My High School sweetheart played football, wrestled, weight lifted and was an amateur boxer.  We were married after school and had our son. I picked a husband and the father of my children based on what I grew up with…my father….a good, strong, loving man! 

But, of course, fate had a different plan. When I lost my husband 2 years later, my world crashed around me. I can’t describe how much pain and anger consumed me.  But as soon as I knew my body held the future child we had created before he passed away, the pain and anger had to be put aside.  My body was a safe place for our unborn child…the grief would have to be dealt with after I had delivered my baby girl 8 months later.  Then and only then did I let the pain and anger consume me and my body.  She was now safe in the outside world. 

I then became “that girl”. Not in the sense of being sexually active with anyone and everyone, but I became very reckless with my choice in men. I no longer chose good, quality men. It took me years of psycho analyzing myself to realize just exactly what I did to myself during those years following the death of my husband. I didn’t think I deserved nor did I think I would ever find another soul mate in this life time! I had it once, and I would never have it again.  My second husband was not a man I could say I ever really loved. He was a very bad man.  I will always be grateful for our beautiful daughter, but he has caused me and my children too much pain to ever say I am thankful to have ever met him.  

Now, my 3rd husband. I did love him. I thought he was a good man. A man that would be a great family man.  He was a Christain, his family was as well. But he turned out to be a “bad boy”.  Why do women chose the bad boy?  I can tell you why…to punish ourselves in some away or another.  Years later, I know why I chose him, but it doesn’t make it easier to accept those reasons when i am dealing with him and parenting our daughter. 

I am open with my girls about being dependent on a man. I’ve tried to make them independent and self sufficient. I guess I can thank my ex for that….In one therapy session he stated I was needy! Bitch, please!!! I was working 6 days a week as a Registered Nurse, making more money than him AND taking care of my kids!! I didn’t NEED him…I WANTED him because he was my husband! I guess he was right in a way,  I NEEDED him to be a faithful, loving, family man!  I guess at was just too much to ask! 

Anyway, the two oldest girls have done very well being strong and independent in spite of the chaos my horrible 2nd and 3rd marriages put our family through.  Both are living in North Carolina and will tell a man where to shove it if they overstep their boundaries! But my 3rd daughter, I’ve been particularly concerned with lately. If you haven’t read my blogs about this particular situation 24 Days Of Silence and It Took 5 Weeks

For a quick recap, we moved back from Washington State on June 26th. On July 3rd, my daughter and her dad got into an argument. July 5th she texted him because he wasn’t answering her calls.  This is the conversation. 

After that, all of her calls and texts were blocked.  There was no contact from her father AT ALL!  He didn’t show up at the games to watch her cheer, call the first day of her freshman year of high school, call to invite her to his wedding in August…nothing…until October 5th. She received a text asking if she was evacuating for the hurricane.  The next text came on October 31st. In one text she questioned him regarding him blocking her.  His response was “I’m not dealing with the drama of you telling me what you are and aren’t going to do”  She sent him a video of her doing her back tuck for the first time on November 2nd and he never responded to her…and he hasn’t since! For anyone who knows anything about tumbling, when you conquer a skill for the first time, it’s a BIG deal! Its the equivalent of hitting a home run or a winning touchdown! It’s been 20 weeks since he has physically laid eyes on his daughter. Why? Because she back talked to him! **GASP**

Hmm…oh, you mean we get to decide when we feel like we want to be parents??  Hot damn….nobody told me!!! Where’s my dang vacation!!! Somebody owes me some fruity alcoholic drinks with an umbrella! And a massage…yea, I want a massage too!  And a pedicure…and a steak, medium rare…oh, crème brûlée too! YES!!  Hell, at this point, I would settle for a teenager that would pick her backpack up off the floor without grunting at me and rolling her eyes OR having to ask her 14 times before she “remembers” what I told her! But that’s what parenting is…but I guess he doesn’t have to do that. When it got hard, he bailed…just like he did on our marriage! Which is why I’ve been SO concerned with her lately! If the man she is supposed to look up to and use as an example for her future relationships turns his back on her so easily, just for being difficult, what kind of man will she choose to be with? Will she be drawn to the bad boy? Will she become “that girl” that everyone whispers about in the hallway. A girl who’s just emotionally lost and misunderstood? 

This weekend my daughter showed me a side of her I’m not sure she even knows exists. It showed me she has the emotional maturity that is lacking in most teens and to be quite honest, emotional maturity her own father lacks as well.  We watch The Bachelorette together as a family. Her sisters watch it as well.  We all had our favorite and from the beginning, Robby Hayes from Jacksonville was one of hers. When he made it to the final two, she was SO upset when JoJo didn’t pick him! Well, we had the opportunity to meet him on Saturday.  He was doing an appearance at a local bar.  My daughter was too young to go inside, but thanks to an awesome friend, he got Robby to come outside to meet her. My sweet fangirl, who is 14, spent 2 hours curling her hair and primping! When Robby walked out of the bar, the look on her face was priceless.  She was in shock. She bear hugged him and smiled from ear to ear! He took pictures with her and my cousins daughter, he even snap chatted her sisters in North Carolina, which literally was the highlight of their night! (I’ve heard the video 1000 since) 😃 He really is just as nice in person as he was on the show.  I admit it, I was a skeptic, but he proved me wrong.  He wasn’t just edited to be a nice guy, he just IS! 

My point of the story is this…out of all the guys on the Bachelorette…all the “hot” guys, guys with abs of steel, model-like guys, smooth talkers, etc…my girl, she chose the NICE guy! She chose the good guy that treated not only his lady with respect, but everyone else as well.  And THAT makes my heart happy! 

Maybe her dad falling off his pedestal isn’t such a bad thing after all.  Instead of leading by example, he’s given her an example of what NOT to look for in a man.  Either way, my girl and her heart will be ok…she’s smart, she’s strong, and she IS needy like her momma as well, but it’s ok….just like her momma, my girl will find her happiness!  

Can’t you see the pure joy all over her face?!? 


I Hate Cowards!

Back in February, I posted regarding the Anniversaary of my attack.  I received some attention during that time that was perhaps a little disturbing for those that were involved in the events leading up to my attack and in my attack itself.  At some point, I received a negative comment on my blog from what I assumed was my attacker. Around the same time I also received a mysterious Facebook friend request.  I won’t give the name because this person actually does exist, but he was not the one who made the request, but his name and picture were used to create a fake profile.  I did not accept the request, but a friend of mine received the same friend request and accepted it.  This led to her being harassed by this anonymous person and slandered on both her churches and work Facebook page.  She contacted JSO and filed a report.  After many months of waiting for the subpoena to come back,  we finally got the answer we were waiting for.  The IP Adress matched that of my attacker, which also matched that of the IP Adress WordPress sent me from the person who left the comment and subscribed to my blog! The IP Address was her personal cell phone.  Not a home computer, but a cell phone.  

So any intelligent person would think,  “Hey, this crazy ass girl broke her injunction…..twice…..JSO and the States Attorneys Office should have a slam dunk case”  

Yea…not so much!  Let me first start by saying, the detectives were less than helpful. The female detective I spoke to in numerous occasions was condescending and rude!  She stated she didn’t understand why I was so worried since there had been no further contact since February! Ummmm….excuse me Miss high and mighty!!! Let me slash your face and body up multiple times and then we will see how intimidated you are by a phone call, Internet contact, or Facebook request!! How dare you demean my fear you Uncompassionate bitch!! Then she said “You were the aggressor”  When I questioned where she heard that she responded, “it was obvious since Mrs H was not arrested that night, and after all, YOU were at a FIREFIGHTER sponsored event!”

At this point my blood boiled!!!! Victim shaming at its finest!!!!  For anyone reading this who may not know, my first husband, who is deceased, was a boxer.  I love the sport. I enjoy watching it.  I had been to previous Guns-N-Hoses events before that night and have been since! I also attended that night at the request of a dear friend who was going to her first boxing match since losing her husband the previous year while he was fighting in a boxing match, coached by my father-in-law!  So, please, if ANYONE thinks that I intentionally went there looking for her, you are mistaken! I was more than happy looking at the eye candy that was walking around in full force that evening!!!  I was NOT wasting my time worrying about my cheating husband and his skanky whore!  And for this detective to put the blame on me, the victim, is disgusting!  

Not only did she blame me, but she has allowed Mrs. H to have an “out”!  Yep!  Seems like all you have to do to get out of trouble when you break an injunction is blame it on your husband!!! Yep!! I guess her husband wrote that comment on my blog! Even though he wasn’t there and has NO idea what happened.  He must’ve took HER phone, googled my blog, commented on it, requested to follow it, and gave it back to her!! ALL without little miss innocent knowing ANYTHING about him doing it….because if she KNEW he was commenting on my blog, that would make her guilty too!  Yep…..seems logical to me!!! Yea, right!!! JSO is delusional or this is ANOTHER cover up for one of there own!  Great job guys!  

In closing I would like to add one thing.  I have a message for Mr. H himself. Since you are such a big man, Mr. Firefighter….why don’t you stop hiding behind your damn computer screen be a REAL man!! Put your wife’s phone down, pick up your own phone and dial my number.  I’m sure your wife still has it from the last time she broke her injunction! If you aren’t a coward, I will tell you the truth…all of it….the difference between me and your lying wife is I can back it up with proof! I have all of the paperwork you will ever need to see what a lying whore you are really married too! But then again, you already know that, don’t you!  That’s why you will continue to sit there with your low class, poor excuse of a wife, in the hell you created for yourself! Congrats Chief…You two were made for each other! 

My Ex Got Married…Again!

My ex-husband got married today. It’s his 3rd wife.  I suppose I should feel some sort of way, but I just don’t.  At this point it’s almost comical.  And before my critics go on their rant blasting me to God and everyone, YES, I’ve been married four times, BUT I am a widow, a domestic violence survivor, and was lucky enough to make it out of my 3rd marriage from above mentioned adulterous husband with MOST of my self esteem intact!  Thank God for my amazing fourth husband of almost 10 years who continues to lick my battle wounds of relationships past!  So go on critics….speak your lies….try to make yourselves relevant…who gives a crap, my blog is not intended for you anyway! 

So, where was I?  The ex….yea, so he got married….again! (YAWN) If I was a betting woman, I would say this won’t be the last! He will be bored in 2 years and those blue eyes will wander….just a matter of time.  

I gotta give this one props though.  You see, back when we were married, his mistress was SO important to him. He left his family for her.  Almost failed his Engineer test because of her.  He put his job on the line by lying for the stupid bitch. But when push came to shove, the injunction I held against her for stabbing me allowed me also to have our divorce papers include no contact between his mistress and our daughter….EVER!  Well, apparently, mistress number one wasn’t nearly as important to him as she thought she was.  That was the end of their relationship.  I was told he would NEVER give up his child for a woman! 

Fast forward 11 years later.  Mistress number two, who today became wife number 3, must’ve been WAY better than mistress number 1!  The same man who couldn’t imagine giving up his daughter for a woman has now turned his back on his only child! And why? Because parenting is hard.  Because his daughter is holding him accountable for his actions.  Because his daughter threatened the relationship apparently more important than his own flesh and blood! And what was this threat?? The threat of the truth!  He didn’t want his future wife to know the truth. The truth about his past that could change the way she saw him and their relationship. 

Prior to our marriage, my ex told me his father said to him, make sure this is what you want…marriage is a one time thing!!  His father is a man of God….a Deacon in the church. But yet this man has stood up two more times before God and other witnesses and allowed his son to stand before God and his peers and lie! He has stood by and allowed him to speak vows of untruth, and continues to support him time and time again.  And for 6 weeks prior to the wedding today, not one word from the paternal grandparents. My daughter has been cut off from the entire family.  She has been outcast because she had the nerve to speak the truth and hold her father accountable for his actions.  These people that stand before God every week in church and proclaim to be holy! The Devil was once an Angel. Christianity should begin at home.  If you don’t practice true Christianity within your own family, how can you preach it to others within the church walls?? 

So, while I have no emotions regarding the marriage, I do have emotions regarding my daughter.  I can’t change who her family is, I can only help her cope with what she was given.  She is angry, and YES SHE HAS ISSUES THANKS TO THAT FAMILY, but I will do everything in my power to let her know it’s not her fault! It’s his loss, she’s a great kid! She’s extremely bright, sassy, smart-mouthed, hard-headed, stubborn, and relentless…and yes, she gets ALL of that from ME!! BUT, that coldness that she uses to cut those she pissed at, yea, she gets THAT from the paternal side…enjoy it!

It Took 5 Weeks

5 weeks! That’s how long my daughter endured silence from the paternal side of her family. No calls, no texts, no social media likes or comments….5 weeks of being ignored! And the night before the first day of school, the silence was broken! The night before she starts High School…in a new place….with no real friends yet….with nerves about the next day looming….and finally a text comes through after 9 pm! Was it from her dad? Oh no, of course not! It was from her cousin wanting to know what was going on and why she wasn’t attending her dads wedding this weekend. 

My daughter explained her side of the story and told her she didn’t know when or where the wedding was. She had no clue prior to the text from her cousin when he was getting married. So instead of being understanding, her cousin told her she should apologize to the family and go to the wedding!!! WTF???  No seriously…..WHAT…THE….FUCK???? My daughter said he should be the one apologizing since he was the adult.  In summary of the texts that went back and forth, she basically told my daughter she would regret not going, but my daughter declined her invitation to pick her up Saturday for the wedding. 

Now, I’m sure she was put up to texting her so I really don’t blame her.  When I was a young woman, I was naive and did believe almost everything my parents told me too! But timing is everything.  Tomorrow will be stressful enough for my girl without her having this to deal with, but according to her cousin, maybe I should be more concerned about her fathers stress level as he’s SO stressed with this wedding!! NOT!!  

Here’s the thing. I’ve contemplated many times why I married him.  I knew how he was with women before me, and yet I still dated him.  And when he asked me to marry him, I felt SO special, because after all, he NEVER married the OTHER women! (sarcastic)   I quickly found out I was NOT special or lucky, but oh so unlucky!  Lesson learned.  Then he married again. I often wondered how she could’ve overlooked what he had done to me.  The cheating, the lying, the crazy mistress he kept screwing after she stabbed me….I found out the story was twisted, but I only found out after he cheated on his 2nd wife too!! 

So my question tonight is simple. If you are the potential 3rd wife of a man with his history.  Even if he lies about me and denies any part of the affair with my attacker, he can’t deny his affair and cheating on his 2nd wife, because the potential 3rd wife was his mistress!! So…Miss almost 3rd wife….you were his mistress….you won….broke up his marriage to his second wife.  I’m sure you think you are SO special, right? Can you explain how a man can walk away from his ONLY child without a second thought? His own flesh and blood that he helped create….he cut ties with her because she pissed him off!!! So, if he can do THAT to a CHILD that is his own, what in the hell do you think he can and will do to you and your children??? 

I may have been SO stupid when I was in love with him, but I can tell you this! If he had a child, and he refused this child for any reason whatsoever, there would be NO relationship, much less a wedding!  Any man that willingly blocks a child from calling them and texting them has a heart of ice. He has blocked off his emotions so he can’t feel love! If I were you, I would run the other way as fast as you can! If not, if you are so determined to tie the knot, keep your finances separate.  Make him sign a prenup! Don’t buy a house in both of your names!  You, my dear, are his one way ticket to an easy retirement! Florida is a 50/50 state. Do your homework before you say “I do” 

And let’s talk about those vows for a moment, shall we?

 “For better or worse” –I hope you or your kids don’t get sick, he doesn’t “like” hospitals…ask his mommy!  He will leave any chance he gets and complain the entire time he’s there, regardless of how serious the situation is.  Even if it is for his own child. 

“For richer or poorer” –As long as you keep making money, he will keep saving his!

“In sickness and in health”–“Not only does he not “do” hospitals, but even pregnancy freaks him out!

“Love and cherish you”—you and anyone else who strokes his ego!

I am assuming you are blinded by love temporarily.  And, if I’m wrong, then you must be just as ice cold as he is, because no woman, much less mother would allow a man she claims to love start a life with her knowing he has cut ties with his only child! And if that’s the case, then I wish both of you a life full of nothing but the best hell has to offer!! F**K you both! 

24 Days of Silence

It’s been 24 days of silence.  No call, no text, no knock on the door….just silence!  I would like to say I’m surprised. I would like to say I’m shocked at his actions. That would be a lie. I’ve always known how selfish of a man he was and he has finally shown just how deep his selfishness runs through his veins…deep into his cold, black heart! 

Let’s take a moment and play catch up! I’ve been postponing this blog for some time now, hoping beyond all hope this would blow over but it’s not.  So, why not just let the world know how I feel! I have nothing to lose! 

After hearing for the past 2 plus years endless rants about being separated from his child from my ex, my husband was determined to get orders back to the area.  We wanted what was best for our daughter and figured being in close proximity to her dad was important. He managed to snag orders back to the East coast and we were ecstatic! We left Washington state the afternoon of the last day of school to head from West to East coast. Two cars, 3 adults, 3 kids, 3 dogs and 1 U-Haul loaded up and packed in tight, we were happy to be heading home! It took 11 days to get back. As soon as we got into town we made arrangements for my ex to pick up my daughter.  

That same week cheer camp started. Even though technically it was “his” time for the summer and he should’ve been responsible for picking up and dropping her off, that’s not the way it went. Prior to our move, we never went by the final paperwork. By HIS choice, he had never exercised his right for summer visitation, holiday visitation etc. He would more or less call when he wanted her and I would let him have her. He rarely kept her overnight, but would get her after school, do homework, eat dinner and bring her home. It has ALWAYS been my responsibility to take care of the extra curricular activities and making sure she was where she needed to be. Mostly because he doesn’t really like cheerleading, but that’s a whole  other blog!! Anyway, so that week, we co-parented and shared responsibility for taking and picking her up from cheer. It was not a big deal for me to pick her up for him since I was only 5 minutes away.  Everything was going well…we were getting along, everything was fine.  Until…..

My 14 year old daughter comes home from her dad house and tells me his future wife (his mistress from his 2nd marriage) says to her, “I was going to buy you that Chex mix you like, but I wanted to wait to see if you needed it first!” Then she grabs her belly and says, “You’ve put on some weight, haven’t you?” 

Now, any mother should know it took everything in me not to call her immediately to tell her what I thought of her comments to my daughter! My daughter who is 5 foot 9, wears a size ZERO and was barely 14!! Are you kidding me?!??!  Instead, I talked to my daughter calmly about her body image of herself, reiterated the fact that she was indeed NOT fat, and waited until I could calmly talk to the ex before I brought it up. His reply was, he heard her say it and he thought about saying something, but didn’t. So I just said to tell her to not talk about her weight or body anymore because if it happens again, I would be the one having the conversation! Still….at this point, everything was ok. 

July 4th weekend…

He had plans to take her to the race on Saturday with his future wife (&future ex😀), and her  kids. He was supposed to bring her home Sunday so she could do 4th of July with us. It was technically my weekend as he had her last year and we were now following the visitation schedule for holidays instead of splitting the day up like we had in prior years. While waiting for my daughter to come home, I laid down with the baby. I was woken up by my husband telling me something was wrong with my daughter. 

Apparently her dad had decided he wasn’t going to bring her home. So my daughter, being a smart mouthed teenager, starts arguing with him. He then tells her he’s not bringing her home at all! This was after I had received a text saying “come get me” from my daughter, so I sent my 18 year old daughter to pick her up not knowing what was going on!  So the ex proceeds to argue back and forth and she goes outside with her things to wait in her sister. So what does he do? He calls the cops and reports her for being an “unruly teen who’s running away”  By the time my husband got me from the babies bed, I had to call dispatch to see what was going on. They told me the officer would decide whether or not to arrest her when he arrived!! 

Now let me explain something to those who have no idea where we live what would’ve happened.  My daughter, my 14 year old daughter, who’s never been in trouble in school, never been suspended, would’ve/could’ve been arrested and taken to juvenile hall in Jacksonville, where she would’ve remained until Tuesday because it was a holiday weekend. All because she had a smart mouth and said something he didn’t like! 

Luckily, my older daughter arrived before the cops to get her sister.  He tried to threaten her and told her she was 18 now and could be in a lot of trouble if she took her, but she did anyway. He took pictures of her tag and called in a description. I met up with my girls a few minutes later and took them to the safety of our home. 

So…later that evening, my daughter received a text from his future wife telling her how disappointed she was in her! What in the hell???? Seriously….I couldn’t let it go this time. I told her what I thought about everything from her comments to my daughter to the affair she had with him while he was married to his second wife! And I also made sure she knew she wasn’t his first mistress….she wasn’t special….she was just the next in line and she needed a prenup with an infidelity clause!!

The ex kept threatening contempt of court, but I had the papers to prove it was MY weekend per the papers!  Of course he’s to,d everyone I stole her from him and it was HIS weekend, but a little screenshot of the paperwork texted to him stopped the threats. 

The day after,  my ex  blocked my daughter from calling or texting his phone.  She has no way of contacting him unless she happens to knock on his door and he’s at home.  He sold his sob story to his family as well. His mom had plans to go shopping with my daughter a few days later and backed out because “she couldn’t promise she wouldn’t talk about it!” This is a woman who claims to be a Christain woman. A devote Catholic who spends every minute she can involved in church functions.  Her husband is a deacon in the church, but yet it’s been over 2 weeks and not a word from them.  They are SO Christain, but yet are willing to stand before God with a smile on their face and support him as he says his vows for the THIRD time, after cheating on his first two wives!!!  Hypocrisy!  They never hold him accountable for his actions.  The blame was shifted to my daughter…a 14 year old little girl had to take the fall for her dad so he can continue to do what he does.  

And the rest of the family….chirp, chirp, chirp….you guessed it! Nothing. After the initial conversation with the Aunt where she basically sat there and bashed me to my daughter and blamed me for EVERYTHING….from the affair right down to the attack from the slutty mistress….it was ALL my fault!  HE did nothing. HE was the victim.  Oh and his second marriage….you guessed it….same thing….not his fault….all her fault! I guess his penis must’ve accidentally slipped and fell into another woman besides his wife!!! Gotta watch out for the slippery suckers….they will get you in trouble every time! 😂😂😂  And anytime they feel the need to back up their lies with the actual truth, they can march right on down to the court house and pull up a copy of the paperwork for themselves!  It’s better to know the truth before spreading lies all over town!  

In all seriousness, this was a blog I wished I never had to write.  I knew he was a weak man when it came to romantic relationships, but I never dreamed he would be so weak when it came to his parental one.  He handled his parental role much like he’s always handled his romantic relationships….at the first sign of trouble, when things get just a little bit too hard and it’s time to put some work & effort into it, he runs away as fast as he can.  That, my friends, is a sign of a true coward! 

An Evil Heart

December 2004 was the first time I had ever attended therapy as a couple. I had been to therapy previously when my first husband passed away, but never as a couple. When I made that appointment, I had hope in my heart. I really felt like this would be the answer to our marital issues. I knew how deep my love for my husband ran, and I knew I was willing to do anything to make our marriage work. Whenever I fell in love with him, I gave him 100% of my heart. I loved him no matter what. I loved his faults, I loved his quirky grin, I loved his weird giggle, I loved the way he told a story, and I loved his skinny frame. He didn’t need to do anything special to impress me…I loved him just the way he was. And that should’ve been enough to make it work, right? It turns out the only thing I wasn’t willing to accept was his infidelity and his lack of loyalty to our marriage. Don’t get me wrong, when I first found out about the affair, I was willing to do the work to drag our marriage out of the hole it was in and make it back to where we started. The only problem was, I was the only one willing to make the commitment to our marriage. After the attack, I knew the marriage would never be able to be salvaged. How could I ever trust my heart to a man who left me laying on the ground, bleeding, while he ran off with his mistress? How could I ever trust a man who stood in court under oath and refused to name my attacker?

During the first year after the attack, I really felt like his heart was filled with evil. How could I have been so wrong about a man? I thought I knew him but I had been wrong. Then, one day it happened. The man I had married reappeared and for the first time in over 2 years, I recognized the person I was speaking too.

I had called my now ex-husband to confirm him picking up our daughter from school. I also told him of my recent engagement. After hanging up, he called back and said he couldn’t pick our daughter up. When I told him she was excited and expecting him, he broke down crying. Now, I want to make a point here. Some men can cry at the littlest thing. My ex-husband could not. He cried when our daughter was born, he cried when he told our kids he was moving out, and now, he was crying….I was shocked! For the next 45 minutes I listened to him tell me how sorry he was for everything he had done. He said he was so f**ked up and she was a crazy bitch! (umm…yea she is)  He told me he never meant to hurt me. He said he knew that I would’ve never forgiven him for the affair, which was why he left. He swore he didn’t realize how bad I was hurt the night of the attack…he was drunk and he only remembered it partially, the forgotten portion was filled in by my attacker. He said he was happy I was getting remarried and said my future husband was a great guy…I deserved to be happy! I could go on and on about our conversation, but bottom line, he showed remorse for his actions and I knew he was sorry! He never intended for me to get hurt and I knew he was telling the truth. So, I gave him some advice. I explained I had been working through the emotional carnage from both the affair and attack for the last two years with the help of a therapist, and for our daughters sake he needed to do the same. She deserved her daddy to be emotionally healthy and happy!

Although he only went a couple of times, I received the apology I needed to remove the anger I held in my heart for him. I will never forget what he did or the role he played in my attack, but I will forgive him. He is not the same kind of manipulative human being as my attacker. Is he a habitual cheater? Yes! Does he carry more emotional baggage than Delta on any given day? Yes! Does that make him evil? No! It makes him sad…but that’s not my problem. The only time it concerns me is when it affects our daughter!

But the she-devil…she on the other hand has a heart made of pure evil. I’m pretty sure you could just post her damn picture beside the word “evil” in the dictionary and everyone would say “ahhh, yea, that makes sense!”  In the beginning, I tried putting myself in her shoes to understand how she could live with herself….I couldn’t do it!  She’s told anyone who would listen I was “much larger” than she was. I was indeed taller, but even the police report has her outweighing me. She stated in the injunction hearing “people told her the next day I was going to kick her ass” I guess she’s a mind reader since she attacked me prior to knowing that information. It’s been said I was “training to box”, making my hands dangerous, which is why she had to stab me. Now, I did work out boxing and I won’t lie, my straight right could put someone on their ass, so if indeed she’s correct and I attacked her first, how in the hell didn’t she end up with a busted nose? How was she able to overpower me to get a bottle? How….because she hit me with the bottle before I even had a chance to react!

Regardless of her version of the story, how could a supposedly innocent woman go around making fun of a woman she attacked and permanently disfigured? Why would she be so proud of the nickname “slasher” and be more than happy to respond when called by that name? Because she’s evil! There is no remorse for the actions that caused my injuries. No remorse for the affair. No remorse for sleeping with my husband after the attack. No remorse for my friend she tried to run off the road. No remorse for the man she married and shared a life with.  No remorse for the other family she destroyed by her cheating ways. And the worst part, no remorse for the lives of the children that were impacted negatively by all of her actions, including her own child!

Good always prevails over evil. It doesn’t always seem like it in the beginning, but over time, light shines bright for the good in all of us while darkness slowly but surely takes over the life of those that are evil!  My life hasn’t been perfect since the attack, but I can say for certain the love I’ve been shown since that time has been most definitely the brightest times I’ve had! And as far as my attacker goes, I’m pretty sure her cheating days are over.  Some call it karma, I like to call it justice!

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The Truth About Me

When I started this blog, I had no intention of it receiving this much attention. As a matter of fact, it wasn’t until recently that the interest soared. I have been living the same life now as I was when I started this blog 3 years ago, so what changed? What made people want to read what I had to say? Hmmm…I can only venture to guess it has a lot to do with my blogs on the attack. I knew putting out the information to the world would possibly draw negative attention, it was only a matter of time. Well, the time is now! I received this comment on the blog I wrote last night!

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First, let me start by saying I welcome any and all comments. In fact, many of you reading may be wondering if I did anything at all to antagonize my attacker. So let me “admit” the truth…I did!  The truth is I spoke very poorly of her to my husband. I thought she was a home wrecking whore and had expressed so on many occasions. I’m sure he shared my thoughts with her. I also made fun of her to my husband, and I suppose he told her. I admitted to him when I saw them eating lunch together, I thought she was ugly. In fact, I even made the statement if I had seen her at the fire station working with him, I wouldn’t for one second be concerned about her. I guess this proves looks really aren’t everything….sex sells people!! I also had the nerve to continue to be intimate with my husband and express my feelings of love while they were apparently “dating”, even though he reassured me they were “just friends”. Perhaps that was upsetting to her.

I’m only assuming the above commenter took the time to read all of my blogs before posting their opinions about me. If so, I’m not really sure what “horrendous” things they are referring to. I’ve admitted to calling the mistresses husband, I’ve admitted to many things I did during that time, but none of those things would I describe as “horrendous”! Horrendous is allowing yourself to become so jealous, you take a beer bottle, hit an unarmed person over the head, and repeatedly slash them over and over again, until someone pulls you off! Horrendous is lying under oath numerous times, each time giving conflicting stories. Horrendous is posting pictures making fun of the person you attacked. Horrendous is not showing any remorse for your actions. Horrendous is continuing to lie to your spouse regarding the attack and your affair, knowing you are sleeping with another man anytime you get the chance! Horrendous is breaking up another marriage. Horrendous is continually harassing anyone and everyone that crosses you, just because you can! Horrendous….that’s not me!

As far as timid…I would hardly consider myself timid. I’ve written in depth of the pain the attack and affair caused me and my family, but that doesn’t make me timid. As a matter of fact, it makes me strong! Strong enough to face my kids with stitches on my face and chest. Strong enough to face the public with my head held high within days of the attack, to put food on the table for my kids. Strong enough to endure multiple treatments to lessen the appearance of the scars. Timid….hardly!

Now as far as my family knowing the truth….I’ve never lied…not once. My story has never changed. My attacker and her witnesses on the other hand contradict each other and change their stories depending on which report you read. I have them…my attorney studied them…it’s all there in black and white. Only an idiot can’t see the truth. So I suppose if you believe I’m a liar, I would in fact be calling you an idiot!  I have nothing to hide. I’m not ashamed of who I was or who I’ve become. I was a woman, who gave her love to the wrong man, and paid the price. I take full responsibility for being so naïve.

But please, commenter, don’t “feel sorry” for me! I came out on top! I am remarried to the most perfect, supportive, faithful, loving man a woman could ever ask for and my attacker is married to a man who’s a known adulterer! So instead of feeling sorry for me, perhaps your sympathies should be directed towards her…it’s only a matter of time before he realizes who he’s married to and looks elsewhere for a worthy partner! I only hope her current husband is able to protect his future mistress from his crazy wife!! She’s going to need it!

So thank you mystery commenter for taking the time to read my blog, but don’t waste your time feeling sorry for me! I face the truth everyday when I look into the mirror…and the truth is, I’m much better off now than I EVER was then! Good night!