15 years ago, I was going through one of the hardest times in my life. I was going through a divorce after finding out he was having an affair. I remember a LOT about the things that were said during that time. Things that were said to me and about me…things he said to our marriage counselor and things he continually gave as reason for doing what he was doing. I was left with both emotional and physical scars, thanks to that man. But through it all, I continually told myself it was ALL worth it, thanks to the beautiful little girl I came out of that marriage with!
I struggled a lot during those early times. The words would try to break me down, but through it all, I wanted him to have a relationship with his daughter. I swallowed my pride and invited him to her birthday parties. I invited him into the house I now shared with my new husband, so he could be a part of her life. I sat in my daughters hospital bed with my new husband and my ex, playing Go Fish, just to see my daughter smile during her time in hospital for asthma. I shared my daughter with him and some REALLY nice women along the way…some still have a relationship with her in spite of her dad leaving them for the next best thing! My daughter has seen it all…all the hurt he’s caused these women in his life. One by one, his lies would be discovered, and she would lose another person in her life that she loved.
Why am I reliving this after all this time? Because I have finally had ENOUGH! To hurt me is something I can live with, but to hurt my baby….Mamma Bear has had it!
During our divorce, we agreed I would never go back to court to increase child support as long as he just helped with 1/2 of her extracurricular activities. He also promised to help her pay for college. All was fine and good…for years. Fast forward to her being 12, and he was in the middle of having an affair with another married woman. So, when I found out he brought my daughter to sleep in the same room as him and his new fling, with BOTH of them married to other people, I was NOT happy! So that was the first time we went back to court. Her 14th year, he cut her off completely because he didn’t like the way she spoke to him. No invitation to his BIG formal Catholic wedding, in which her kids took part in, but his only child was not even invited. No contact the first day of high school, no contact Thanksgiving, Christmas, NYE, Valentines Day….then spring came…and so did the calls. Ultimately, he started calling because his new wife (3rd) was pregnant. He hid it from her for a while, but she actually knew 3 months before he told her because she found the ultrasound picture. 🤷🏻♀️ So then she got a baby brother! That was exciting for her! I thought maybe this would make him take more time with her.
He would say he would come to a cheer competition, but wouldn’t show up. He made promises to do something with just him and her, but wouldn’t. At 16, he promised to pay for college instead of helping us buy her a car! Ok…that’s fair. So he bought her a camera instead. He was invited to watch her take Prom pictures her Sophomore and Junior year…he didn’t show up! Her last competition her Junior year was the day after prom. He promised he would be there. It was 40 minutes from his house. He didn’t show up. The very last time I got to watch my girl take to the blue mat, I watched her walk off in tears…because her daddy didn’t show up! That’s the last memory I will have of her as a cheerleader!
Her 17 birthday came and went…No gift, no card.
And now…two months before her 18th birthday, the biggest decision she has made up to this point in her life happened. She got accepted into FAU! She called her dad to share the good news. Instead of being happy, he told her she wasn’t going to FAU, she would go to UNF or he wasn’t paying for ANYTHING! I’ve listened to her cry off and on for weeks now. He’s blamed covid for his decision. But he’s essential and hasn’t lost his job. She told him she would work, it still didn’t matter. It’s just not where HE wanted her to go! Then today, it was the last straw for me! While discussing college, he starts talking down to her. So she says, “stop talking down to me!” This man says, “You sound JUST like your mother!”🤷🏻♀️
So here’s the main reason for this blog! If I could tell him, I would….but his new wifey is a bit on the insecure side so he’s not allowed to talk to me! 😂😂 Trust me girl, I don’t want his old cheating ass! But….here’s what I have to say to him!
15 years ago, I sat in a marriage counseling appointment with you. Tears running down my face, my heart felt like it was physically breaking. You kept denying the affair to me and to our counselor! I was crazy….just insecure….you weren’t doing anything wrong! I sat and listened to you say to our counselor, “I want her to be the strong, independent woman I fell in love with and married. She’s SO NEEDY!”
My counselor looked at him and said, “I need my husband, but that doesn’t make me weak or dependent…it means I love him and our life!”
So pay attention…..to clarify, he didn’t want a needy wife, but he wanted a strong, independent woman! So….he literally just condemned our daughter for being just that! She is the epitome of a strong, independent young woman! I’ve taught her to never depend on a man for anything! Make sure she can take care of herself and not depend on anyone to do it for her! So I will take his mean spirited comment about her acting like her mother as the BEST compliment I have EVER received! I did THAT! I made her believe in herself! I made sure she could fight with her words, never needing a damn beer bottle! I married a man who loves her unconditionally, no matter how mad he gets at her, or her at him, he loves that girl whole heartedly! We’ve been there during the good times and the bad. We’ve grown as a family and keep growing. We enjoy family vacations and family time together. The louder, the better! Laughter fills this house when all the kids, their kids and their significant others are here! And that’s what I am going to tell her to take from this rough time in her life!
Baby girl, you have your entire immediate family on your side. You have a sibling in 3 different states ready to give you a pep talk no matter how rough of a day you have! You have two parents who will drop everything in a moments notice to be by your side if needed. But, you have the strength of an army within that body of yours! You are feisty, fierce, sweet, loving, kind, smart, beautiful, talented and the world is full of possibilities! The world is yours for exploring…enjoy college and be the strong woman I know you are! I can’t wait to see what you bring to adulthood! I love you!❤️❤️
PS.) Thank God she’s “just like her mother”…imagine the alternative! A liar & cheater….a constant disappointment. The Truth hurts doesn’t it? But don’t worry, I’ve also taught her how to love, and my girl loves with no conditions! Maybe you should try it sometime! ❤️