I sat in a courtroom today for almost five hours. Why? Because my ex decided he wanted custody of his daughter at the end of her Junior year of HS. He wanted to move her 1 hour and 20 minutes away from me, the woman who’s raised her, to live in a house with him, his new wife (old mistress), her two kids, their child they share together, AND the full time nanny/maid! The man who has never, in the 13 years we’ve been divorced, had regular visitation of his child. He never rearranged HIS schedule to attend school events, or cheer competitions. Never took off work to have a whole weekend with her. Didn’t exercise his one night a week night with her during the week. During the last three years we’ve been back from our orders to Washington, he has yet to have his time either. He’s gone months without speaking to her, because she’s made him mad! She missed his full catholic mass wedding….but HER kids were there and in the wedding. He missed her first day of school, all three years of HS. He missed pictures for prom for two years. He’s been to one parent event and one cheer competition….but only AFTER the papers for custody were filed. He has said he will go to this competition, or another one..only to not show up and disappoint her once again. Christmas she sat at his house with no gifts to unwrap. Easter she received nothing from him. Her 16 birthday he refused to show up to a surprise dinner for her even though I invited his entire family. He had been to many since we’ve been divorced, but not since he remarried the lady he was cheating on his second wife with.
He’s been telling her for years, he doesn’t help pay for cheer or her car/car insurance because he’s paying for her college. Today, he denied saying that. He denied telling her he was going to cheer and then being a no show. So this is where we are!
The court has deemed it necessary for him to have his visitation. But….if visitation happens during the weekend of a cheer competition, then he doesn’t have to take her…I will have to take her and then he gets her the next weekend to make up for his missed weekend. If he has to work on “his” weekend, then he gets her whenever it’s convenient for him! Oh….and let’s not forget, he moved over an hour away, but now I have to meet halfway for pickup and drop off, because it’s more convenient for HIM!
And the fact that my 16 year old got her license and car, plus her insurance which is $245/month….well you see….that’s voluntary! He doesn’t have to contribute, EVEN THOUGH his wife works at a dealership, they have four cars for three licensed drivers, and ample funds to assist with those costs! But nope……it’s MY choice for her to have a car, so I pay for it! What happened to the courts saying a kid from the divorced parents living the life had both parents raised her? It’s ok for his step kids to have brand new vehicles to drive, but not his daughter!
As a parent, I give everything I can to my kids. I am there….present in their lives…involved. I can tell you I have so many wonderful memories and time spent with ALL of my children. I am truly blessed! What’s so hard for me to understand, is a man choosing to NOT be a part of a child’s life! Not making the attempt to be there for them, even if it’s just for a short day! I will always choose my kids over all else!
I cried today…..a LOT! His testimony and outright lies he told were disgusting! He made me realize, no matter how much I’ve wanted him to be a “normal” dad for her, he never will be! He has ALL of the control of their relationship….for one more year! Then after June 2020, she will no longer be forced to go anywhere she doesn’t want to go!
For the last 16+ years, I’ve built a bond, a relationship with my child. She knows, no matter what, momma will be there! She can go to her “dads house” anytime she wants….but we both know where her HOME truly is, and my door will always be open!