Going through a divorce is hard enough, but when you are going through a divorce and suddenly become the topic of conversation in a small town, it makes it even worse! Anyone who lives or has lived in a small town knows how toxic the rumor mill can be when you are struggling through a hard time in your life. For me in particular, dealing with the divorce was hard enough, but dealing with the rumors about my assault from my husbands mistress at times made it unbearable! It seemed everyone knew someone, who knew someone, who knew EXACTLY what had happened…and they would swear by it!
One of the biggest misconceptions was my initiation of the attack. Although some will still argue I started the altercation, I was able to produce enough evidence to prove otherwise. It still didn’t matter when people that weren’t even present suddenly became experts on my life! For instance, it was stated by multiple people, including the mistress, I was MUCH larger than she was! That was not the case. I may have been taller, but due to a great diet I like to call the “devastated divorce diet”, I was as thin as I was in high school. My attacker was not fat, but very stocky. If I was indeed bigger, how was she able to overpower me and do the damage with the beer bottle without having any obvious signs of a fight other than some redness! Again, I have photos to prove this fact!
It was so hard watching people I once considered friends and family turn their backs on me and side with a serial cheater. They knew his past and knew the facts of the case, but still chose to not only take his side, but use every opportunity to make me look bad in the community in which I lived. I couldn’t even go to work without hearing from other firemen about the lies and disgusting things the mistress was saying to her colleagues about me and the situation. It seemed like every time I had to call rescue for a patient, I had to brace myself for an interrogation from the firemen who walked through the door! I reached my boiling point…I had enough of being treated like the villain. This woman, my husband, and anyone close to them were slandering my name, making themselves into the victims! The affair continued and her husband was one of the many people who believed the lies she told. I was determined to make sure she didn’t destroy him the same way she had destroyed me. I wanted him to know what kind of evil woman he was really married too.
I decided the only way to make him believe me was to provide him the same proof I had…voice mail messages from his wife to my husband. My husband had not changed his password on his cellphone, so for several weeks I taped the messages she left for him. Most were sexual in nature. She sounded cheap and nasty. From everything I gathered in the messages, she liked it rough! Maybe that was the intrigue…he didn’t have to respect her, he only had to flip her 50 ways from Sunday and she felt like a special bitch! One message in particular she was giggling like a school girl…”I don’t know what you did to my back last night, but it’s still hurting today!” I guess she would stop at nothing to have his undivided attention!
After I had enough to prove the affair to her husband, I waited for a day when I knew she would be at the fire station working, which wasn’t hard to do since she and my husband were on the same shift. I won’t lie, when her husband answered the phone, he wasn’t happy to hear from me. So I just played the first message for him. He got quiet and then asked me to stop the tape. He questioned my intentions and why I was doing this to him. I told him I just wanted him to know the truth and he deserved better than this! Then I recounted for him another message regarding a meeting she called to cancel due to her husbands plans changing. The voice mail message she left for my husband let him know he couldn’t come over that evening and that her husband and son had just went to his parents house but would be back shortly! At that moment, I knew he believed me….but at that moment, my heart broke for him. I knew all too well the feeling of betrayal he was feeling. One minute your marriage is your happy place and the next minute it’s like a wave of water has washed all of the comfort away!
The next day wasn’t better. I heard the message her husband left for my husband, begging him to leave her alone. He just wanted a chance to work out their marriage. He wanted my husband to be a man and walk away…time to let them figure out their marriage. But that never happened. My husband continued to sleep with her without remorse. As a matter of fact, he threatened me with the police since I had tapped his phone! Ha…I didn’t tap his phone, I just listened to the messages! But we were married, and the phone was not just his, but also mine, therefore not illegal! 🙂 He was more than pissed at me, but it didn’t change the outcome of the situation. They continued the affair, and I continued with the divorce. But for me, at least I knew I did my best to protect another spouse from being blindsided by betrayal.
It’s been over 10 years since I had that conversation. I recently had the chance to catch up a little bit through messenger. I was able to apologize for the way I handled that situation all of those years ago. My intention was never to hurt him personally, although I know my phone call did just that. I know eventually he would’ve found out anyway, but I hate knowing it was me that delivered the news. He is such a gracious man and doesn’t blame me at all! I am so relieved to know he understands why I did what I did. All I ever wanted was for him to know the truth and get the happiness he deserved…and now, I know he has just that!! He is got remarried and has more kids. Although we were both changed by our spouses affairs, our lives changed for the better! No more doubts, no more hurt, no more tears, no more lies…just love and happiness!! And for that, I will forever be grateful!
This is my happily ever after! 🙂