So…are you the “other” person in a relationship? Was your love once forbidden and now your life together seems like it was destiny? Well, trust me, you aren’t that special!
There were other women before you came around, me included. I thought I could tame him. I thought I was “different” than the other girls he had dated in the past. I guess in a way I was, he married me, but I wasn’t so different except, for the ring! I too was on the other end of his coldness. I had witnessed first hand how he had destroyed others before me, but they were just girlfriends…our relationship was different…he was young…blah, blah, blah! I told myself the same excuses that I am sure you are!
Well, to all those women out there that were either mistresses or are mistresses, wake up! You know the saying and I shouldn’t have to repeat it, but once a cheater, always a cheater! Now I don’t mean that a marriage that has gone through infidelity can’t be saved. If a couple goes through infidelity, puts in the time and effort needed to heal what caused the cheater to cheat, then the marriage most definitely can be saved! Now, before you misunderstand, I in no way blame the non-cheating spouse for the affair…quite the opposite. More than not, cheating is usually caused by an insecurity of the cheater. They are usually holding back emotionally from their partner in life, so they act out to find out the grass isn’t greener!
Oh, I’m just crazy? I caused the affair? I wasn’t giving my husband what he needed so he went elsewhere? Well, let me assure you, that’s not the case! I was a good mother, worked hard and made more money than he did, cooked dinner, went to my kids functions, and “performed” my wifely duties on most days he was home from the fire department. So no, it wasn’t my fault, he was just a selfish bastard who wasn’t willing to open his heart completely and let out his demons that had a tight grip!
I remember one instance before I knew they were intimate. He had called me from work the day before. He told me he wanted to work on our marriage. He told me I was the most important thing to him and to make an appointment with the marriage counselor, he wanted to do everything he could to get our marriage back on track. The next day, he came home from work early in the morning, packed his bags to move out! I was devastated! I kept asking why and what had changed! He said, “I know you will NEVER forgive me for what I’ve done!” At the time, I thought they were just “talking”…looking back, I know now it was already sexual! He knew deep down I was a strong woman. He knew I was too good of a woman to stay with a serial cheater. He knew I would always know when and if he cheated again! So he ran….he chickened out….he didn’t want to do the hard work and face what he had done!
It’s been a decade…I’ve lost track of the women. They come and go. At first it was hard…I cringed every time I met a new “girlfriend”. Then I met one I liked….then she was gone. Then another I liked…gone! Boot camp girl….gone! The live in girlfriend who I adored…gone! The list is endless and I hated every second of watching my daughter bond with a new woman…not because of jealousy, but fear! Fear that she too would be gone!
Then came his 2nd marriage….you guessed it…gone! And just like that, my daughter was not allowed to continue a relationship with a woman she had a bond with because it made him feel uncomfortable!
Why? Because some people never change….once a cheater, always a cheater! The lies are still the same…the pattern is very familiar…almost crazy, scary familiar actually! So much so I can usually see it coming! But sometimes you’ve just got to sit back and wait for it to happen…because it will! History has a habit of repeating itself. It may be tomorrow, it may be 4 months from now, or 5 years from now, but this I can count on! One day in the near future, you too will be…gone!