You Aren’t That Special

So…are you the “other” person in a relationship? Was your love once forbidden and now your life together seems like it was destiny? Well, trust me, you aren’t that special!

There were other women before you came around, me included. I thought I could tame him. I thought I was “different” than the other girls he had dated in the past. I guess in a way I was, he married me, but I wasn’t so different except, for the ring! I too was on the other end of his coldness. I had witnessed first hand how he had destroyed others before me, but they were just girlfriends…our relationship was different…he was young…blah, blah, blah! I told myself the same excuses that I am sure you are!

Well, to all those women out there that were either mistresses or are mistresses, wake up! You know the saying and I shouldn’t have to repeat it, but once a cheater, always a cheater! Now I don’t mean that a marriage that has gone through infidelity can’t be saved. If a couple goes through infidelity, puts in the time and effort needed to heal what caused the cheater to cheat, then the marriage most definitely can be saved! Now, before you misunderstand, I in no way blame the non-cheating spouse for the affair…quite the opposite. More than not, cheating is usually caused by an insecurity of the cheater. They are usually holding back emotionally from their partner in life, so they act out to find out the grass isn’t greener!

Oh, I’m just crazy? I caused the affair? I wasn’t giving my husband what he needed so he went elsewhere? Well, let me assure you, that’s not the case! I was a good mother, worked hard and made more money than he did, cooked dinner, went to my kids functions, and “performed” my wifely duties on most days he was home from the fire department. So no, it wasn’t my fault, he was just a selfish bastard who wasn’t willing to open his heart completely and let out his demons that had a tight grip!

I remember one instance before I knew they were intimate. He had called me from work the day before. He told me he wanted to work on our marriage. He told me I was the most important thing to him and to make an appointment with the marriage counselor, he wanted to do everything he could to get our marriage back on track. The next day, he came home from work early in the morning, packed his bags to move out! I was devastated! I kept asking why and what had changed! He said, “I know you will NEVER forgive me for what I’ve done!” At the time, I thought they were just “talking”…looking back, I know now it was already sexual! He knew deep down I was a strong woman. He knew I was too good of a woman to stay with a serial cheater. He knew I would always know when and if he cheated again! So he ran….he chickened out….he didn’t want to do the hard work and face what he had done!

It’s been a decade…I’ve lost track of the women. They come and go. At first it was hard…I cringed every time I met a new “girlfriend”. Then I met one I liked….then she was gone. Then another I liked…gone! Boot camp girl….gone! The live in girlfriend who I adored…gone! The list is endless and I hated every second of watching my daughter bond with a new woman…not because of jealousy, but fear! Fear that she too would be gone!

Then came his 2nd marriage….you guessed it…gone! And just like that, my daughter was not allowed to continue a relationship with a woman she had a bond with because it made him feel uncomfortable!

Why? Because some people never change….once a cheater, always a cheater! The lies are still the same…the pattern is very familiar…almost crazy, scary familiar actually! So much so I can usually see it coming!  But sometimes you’ve just got to sit back and wait for it to happen…because it will! History has a habit of repeating itself. It may be tomorrow, it may be 4 months from now, or 5 years from now, but this I can count on! One day in the near future, you too will be…gone!

 

7 thoughts on “You Aren’t That Special

  1. Went through the same thing, except thankfully we weren’t married. Seven years later I’m sitting back and watching their marriage fall to hell around their feet. And who does he call? Me. “Hey, I am looking at this house that would be perfect for us …” Sorry buddy, I’m getting married next month.

    Ugh.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Love this post, I could have written it myself. I told myself it was different because we were married. I also was unaware of all the infidelity in his past until after I said “I do”. He is remarried now to his mistress. The week we broke up she posted on Facebook “I’m the exception to the rule.” Oh no you aren’t. I’d bet everything I have that he’s already cheated on her, but I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, it will happen sooner or later.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. “I’m an exception to the rule”….SURE you are! I can’t believe she actually posted that and believed it! Any man who would cheat on his wife and lie about it will lie again! They think they are invincible! And in my case, my ex has cheated on BOTH of his wives! Shouldn’t take a rocket scientist to see the pattern! 😂😂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. At this point, I only worry about my children. They are 6 and 8 now. Eventually they are going to find out why I’m divorced from their father and their questions are going to get more specific. I worry about the hurt in their heart and the questions in their head regarding their dad and stepmothers integrity. Though, if he does it again and cheats on her, the kids would be devastated. She has been in their lives now for 5 1/2 years, they know no different. He is an egotistical, sociopath….but they doesn’t deserve the backlash of his bad choices.

        Like

      2. Oh I understand that completely. I was a basket case when my daughter was being brought around his mistress that stabbed me…I was SO relieved when their relationship ended! She was 3 at the time and since then she’s met at least 7 women (that I know about) and had to go through another divorce when he cheated on his 2nd wife! I was disgusted when he slept in the same bed as his mistress in a hotel room while they were both still married to other people with my daughter in the same room!! She was 12…way to set a good example for your kid! Then we (her stepdad and I) have to do damage control when she comes back!!
        All you can do is keep open communication with your kids and pray they learn from your husbands mistakes rather than repeat them!

        Liked by 1 person

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